my life and other strange things

Soccer in no mans land

2012-01-15T00:12:00.000+05:30

I find this picture very intriguing. Some might find it strange that we went all the way to Death Valley and played soccer *. In the middle of nowhere with nobody else around. This picture involves my life. And it involves a strange thing. So I put this up in a blog called my life and other strange things. Enough said!

* It was always football to me until I moved to USA and football meant something else. Something that had very little kicking of the ball with the foot. Something that involved a ball that is not round. Strange.

Likeable Writing

2012-01-13T11:30:00.001+05:30

Being liked is something you don't get by trying too hard.

I spent a good part of this morning trying to come up with something likeable to write about. Thoughts came and went, but none of them stuck on. Well, its not like there isn't much happening in my life. No sir (or madam, my apologies), there is no dearth of things to write about.

I could write about clarinetist and composer Shankar Tucker's music videos that I have become a big fan of. Or about the wonderfully enlightening week I had in New York as part of StartingBloc - an experience I definitely regret not having written about much much earlier. Or about my jam-packed and intense rendezvous with startup scene at a StartupWeekend event in SanFranscisco.

In each case, I'm trying to envision the end product - a complete piece of writing. I'm trying to compare which topic would produce a better finished piece. Best work first, right? But soon enough I realise how utterly foolish this endeavor of 'comparison' is. The process of writing on a certain topic changes my opinion of that topic. I am forced to actually think about the topic, go over the details, adjust my thoughts as my writing evolves. So I'll never know how the end product will look.

I believe each piece of writing should get what it rightly deserves - a deferred judgement. Evaluating your writing before completing it can do more harm than good. And since I cant stop evaluating myself on any of the aforementioned topics, I shall defer those posts for later.

There are certain times when you sit in front of a blank screen, hopeful and lightly expectant. And magically an hour or so later you have a piece of writing that might leave you genuinely surprised (in a good, bad or horrific way).

This is one of those times. I wont pass any judgement until this has been published and its too late to do anything else. This particular piece of writing (if it can be called that) has been a surprise!

The Ugly Indian Initiative

2012-01-11T11:30:00.000+05:30

I'm not new to dirty roads. I've shared my life with them for over two decades. I have managed to ignore all the potholes, the roadside garbage, the urinal-walls. I didn't think of these features as good or bad, I just accepted that they exist. I'm not alone in this, we (desi types) all have a chalta hai attitude. We are like this only - we tell each other. Even the television advertisements proudly glorify this nature as 'Indian'.

In the midst of such rhetoric, I came across this website called The Ugly Indian which really caught my attention. It is actually trying to change things from a ground up level. Check it out for yourself. I really like their motto (from their Facebook page) -

Our motto: Kaam Chalu Mooh Bandh.

No activism, no lectures, no awareness drives, no moralising. Just go out and do it.

Being in the USA now, there is not much I can do for this 'movement' happening in Bangalore and hopefully other Indian cities. I'm thinking of ways in which I can contribute to this movement. As a computer engineer the best way I can think of making a difference is by a commentary on their website. So here goes...

The website seems to be very well designed. The first page of the site has just one question - Why are Indian Streets filthy? And the question has four choices that you have to answer before you can proceed. I like this because it makes you think and puts the onus on you, the reader to make a choice.

    The purpose of the site is clear, there are no distractions with a frugal yet tasteful background. While the website is clean and fresh looking, the pictures depicted are sometimes downright filthy. This brings a sense of contrast to the mind. It makes you feel like walking to the roads, cleaning the mess and putting up pictures of spotless roads.

     Most of the sentences are short and simple (especially in the second page) and hard to miss. For the thick skinned who still manage to miss, the really important points ones are in bold.

     The site reflects the take-action nature of this initiative. The photo examples of spot-fixing, with Before and After pictures demonstrate the impact these people are having. The examples are results-oriented with not a lot of preaching. The site clearly makes a call for action and makes you want to be involved.

      The website has a certain flowing structure and seems to be designed primarily for first time users - first you answer a poll question, then you see a summary, then look at practical examples of spot-fixing, and then the "I’ve seen enough. So, what’s the point? " link to convert you, the ugly Indian to a more caring person.

     I do feel that navigation of the website has some room for improvement. The structure the website can appear restrictive at times, especially if you are a returning visitor and you still need to go through the first few pages to reach a page you were actually interested in. For example I never discovered the About Us page until my 4-5th visit to the website - usually you would expect this page to be available very easily to a visitor.

     All-in-all, The Ugly Indian is a great initiative. I hope they are successful in changing the mindset of a majority of city-dwellers. I'll be following this group closely!

the tea kettle junction

2012-01-07T07:21:00.000+05:30

in the middle of nowhere

in inyo county

in death valley

in california

is this intriguing sign-post

laden with kettles old and new

silver, black, blue and pink too

some big some small

some short some tall

mountains all around

joshua trees abound

dusty dirt track, the ground

in the middle of nowhere we found

the tea kettle junction

tea kettle junction

what is your function??

Sand Avalanche

2012-01-03T04:45:00.000+05:30

sand avalanche : Movement of large masses of sand down a dune face when the angle of repose is exceeded or when the dune is disturbed.
McGraw-Hill Dictionary of Scientific & Technical Terms, 6E, Copyright © 2003

A fortnight ago friends and I were at Eureka sand dunes near Death Valley. We had an awesome time climbing up the structure made up of innumerable ridges and valleys. To climb up, you have to walk on edge of a ridge, which usually gives way to a deep crest on either side. One side of the ridge is steeper that the other and the sand is a loose on this side.

Some places the ridges were so steep that the sand dune seemed unstable - as though a light wind or a slight earthquake tremor could bring the whole structure down. In certain places we could push a little sand down from the top and watch as a mini avalanche was created! We spent some time playing around and making sand rivers.

We heard trembling at a certain point on the dunes.. we thought the sound could be from an earthquake or a power station nearby. We dont know what what made the sound, but who knows.. it just might have been a sand avalanche!

Misscommunication

2011-10-03T05:14:00.000+05:30

There was once a lovely Miss
with whom I started talking.
Talking to her was more refreshing
than a midnight walk in the park.
All I wanted to do was to hear her voice
everything else was just mundane noise.
ahh... wonderful Miss communication!

But will communication overcome
a great distance?
Little did i know
voices get blurred over oceans.
Something was certainly amiss
and when we do talk its not the same
Wish I could talk to you still
without the hint of a chill.
ahh... I miss Communication!!

There must be a lesson in all this
that I just dont seem to learn.
Sometimes things are too late
and you need to leave everything to fate.
aaaargh... I hate miscommunication!!!

Family matters

2011-09-26T09:02:00.001+05:30

Heres an adviserly rambling blog post....
For a change, I have the whole house to myself. With a lazy weekend in front of me, my mind wanders casually over the past few weeks of life here. With my parents' visit , they have been quite hectic. Now that they have gone, there is a silence in the house I'm not used to.

Family matters. They are the only ones who stand by you go with you wherever you go. Its often that you take these relationships for granted. Which is bad. There... I made my point for this blog.

People handle staying away from family differently. Some of them miss their family and constantly whine about it. They make a flurry of phone calls across the Atlantic everyday. They share their many concerns and moments of happiness with people back home. Some others try to hide themselves from their homesick feelings. They tell themselves they can handle things on their own and see their impulses to call back home as a sign of weakness.

Probably the only unconditional support you will get is from your family. Dont underestimate that.

Beautiful Niagara

2011-09-22T08:16:00.000+05:30

Two faces of the Fall. Rainbow. Ahhh.....Seeing Niagara Falls close up is something I enjoyed immensely. Looking at the torrent of water gushing down, you can help being in awe of such natural beauty.

Synthetic Happiness

2011-05-02T03:47:00.003+05:30

Freedom is the enemy of synthetic happiness. Whats synthetic happiness? Listen on ...

Friendship !

2010-08-01T11:21:00.005+05:30

Friendship is honey no money can buy.
Happy Friendship Day!

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 16

2010-07-29T06:00:00.002+05:30

Colleague 1: hey...my computer stopped working all of a sudden.

Colleague 2: did you kick something by mistake? a wire might have come loose

Colleague 1: hmm...im sure i kicked something AFTER it stopped working ...

Home Sweet Home

2010-05-12T03:51:00.002+05:30

To travel half way across the world, return after a year
and feel like everything happened just yesterday

To eat like a king who has everything in the world lined up for him

To sleep like a simple man who has nothing in the world to worry about

To see with delight how people have changed
and how people have not changed

To realize with surprise how I have changed and remained the same

To return back home

Only so much

2010-03-19T10:27:00.003+05:30

Its 1.00 am in the night
All my roomies are still up alright
But for keyboard strokes and mouse clicks, the air is quiet

Such is the fate of people in grad school
Let it not for one second fool
You into thinking all's well and cool

Its bloody cold, sometimes its quite hot too
In this silly place Purdue
The weather can be irritating like nose goo
About this theres only so much you can do.

Fall colours

2009-12-21T01:28:00.009+05:30

Flow - The Neurobiology of Excellence

2009-12-03T09:31:00.008+05:30

Here is a very interesting excerpt on the concept of "flow" - from the pages of Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman :
---------------------------------------------------------------

A composer describes those moments when his work is at its best:

You yourself are in an ecstatic state to such a point that you feel as though you almost don't exist. I've experienced this time and again. My hand seems devoid of myself, and I have nothing to do with what is happening. I just sit there watching in a state of awe and wonderment. And it just flows out by itself.

His description is remarkably similar to those of hundreds of diverse men and women-rock climbers, chess champions, surgeons, basketball players, engineers, managers and even filing clerks-when they tell of a time they outdid themselves in some favoured activity. The state they describe is called "flow" by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the University of Chicago psychologist who has collected many such accounts of peak performance during two decades of research. Athletes know this state of grace as the "zone" where excellence becomes effortless, crowd and competitors disappearing into a steady absorption in the moment. Diane Roffe-Steinrotter, who captured a gold medal in skiing at the 1994 Winter Olympics said after she finished her turn at ski racing that she remembered nothing about it but being immersed in relaxation: "I felt like a waterfall".

Being able to enter flow is emotional intelligence at its best, flow represents perhaps the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performance and learning. In flow the emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand. To be caught in the ennui of depression or the agitation of anxiety is to be barred from flow. Yet flow(or a milder microflow) is an experience almost everyone enters from time to time, particularly when performing at their peak or stretching beyond their former limits. Its is perhaps best captured by ecstatic lovemaking, the merging of two into a fluidly harmoniously one.

The experience is a glorious one: the hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture. Because flow feels so good, it is intrinsically rewarding. It is a state in which people become utterly absorbed in what they are doing, their awareness merged with their actions. Indeed it interrupts flow to reflect too much on what is happening-the very thought"I'm doing this wonderfully" can break the feeling of flow. Attention becomes so focused that are aware only of the narrow range of perception related to the immediate task, losing track of time and space. A surgeon for example, recalled a challenging operation during which he was in flow; when he completed the surgery he noticed some rubble on the floor of the operating room and asked what happened. He was amazed to hear that while he was so intent on the surgery part of the ceiling had caved in - he hadn't noticed at all.

---------------------------------------------------------------

A beautiful day in Purdue

2009-11-15T21:42:00.002+05:30

row your boat

2009-09-26T05:41:00.002+05:30

Row row row your boat
the journeys' half done
the morning is yet to come
still time for the rising sun

Dark doubts cloud over the horizon
a trace of fear, a hint of uncertainity
add more meaning to the black eternity

But all these fade away
no more with the wind you sway
when you conjure up an iron will
and push like hell towards the distant hill

So you row row row your boat
the journeys' half done
the morning is yet to come
still time for the rising sun

In the pitch black darkness you see clearly
the green grass the dotted trees
the temple on the hill and the monkeys
on the beach kids play and scream
all vividly in your dream

Your doubts were mistaken, you realise
you'll always have good company
never did you think you'll come this far
but just look up, theres always with you the northern star

So you row row row your boat
the journeys' half done
the morning is yet to come
still time for the rising sun

...

2009-09-13T07:20:00.001+05:30

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

-Steve Jobs

Been a month

2009-09-10T10:25:00.004+05:30

Its been around a month since I arrived at Purdue. So many things have happened in so less a time. The ability of humans in general (and me in particular)to adapt to surrounding environments constantly surprises me. In just a few days things have started to turn from the extraordinary to the routine. Im no longer overwhelmed by the different sights, sounds and smells (or the lack of them by Indian standards) around me.

You cant help being inspired by the professors and the research happening in this place. You begin to realize how much more there is to learn. By learn I mean really learn.. and not "get good grades" or "pass an exam" and the like. The teaching in class (for most part) makes you think. Which is good.

Not being in contact with people back home is like a dull persistent body ache. You can talk on the phone or chat online, but there's never a good time to say goodbye. Some things will just take some getting used to, I guess.

Of course as a grad student you have no time. There is always something important to do right away. And more often than not (at least in the beginning of the semester) the tasks are very interesting. Very difficult and time consuming, but interesting nevertheless. This is one of those rare occurrences when I don't feel guilty of spending time writing a blog.

More to come later. Fervently hope I get the time (and the clear conscience) to blog again!

Bull****

2009-08-30T03:43:00.003+05:30

I dont think my blog's all bullshit. But simetimes I might get quite close to it, dont you think?

First Impressions

2009-08-21T00:46:00.006+05:30

I came to the US on 1st August 2009. To New York in fact. These are my three first impressions of Unites States :

1) Where are the people, people??
Coming from India, you are used to having people around. Physically I mean. Be it small villages or big cities we all sort of stick to each other. I found exactly the opposite in US. There are hardly any people around you. When I was told that JFK is one of the busiest of airports, I expected to see loads and loads of people . Somewhat like what we see in Railway stations in India. There was nothing of that sort. I was half afraid I got down at the wrong airport. On the drive back from the airport to Mangalas' home I didn't see a SINGLE pedestrian walk on NY streets for around 20 minutes. This really freaked me out. Theres this underlying concept of personal space here. Maybe this might explain the no people concept:
Population density of India: 349/km2
Population density of US : 31/km2

2) Loads of Infrastructure.
The buildings, the malls, the roads, the vehicles are all a sight to behold. All structures here are massive and as automated as possible. A lot of technology goes into all kinds of contraptions used to make living very independant. This is something in which India is regrettably very far behind. Here even the homeless have access to basic humane facilities.

3) Auto Fanatics paradise.
Big red trucks.Not big,HUGE. Every kind of car imaginable. Every make of car heard of and many unheard of. Roaring gangs of Harley Davidson's. Convertibles cruising in morning sunlight. This country worships automobiles. Without them everything here would grind to a halt.

Off I go

2009-07-29T08:58:00.001+05:30

Somebody’s off to Purdue this year to do his Masters degree in Electrical Engineering.
If the manages to hop on to the plane before it takes off.
If he miraculously avoids misplacing his passport.
If he doesn't get stuck in maddening Bangalore traffic.
…you get the drift.

The last year in general has been one hell of a year for me (for those with no sense of humor…should I say no sense of bad humor ... by somebody in the previous para I meant myself).The last two years in particular were easily among the toughest in my life in more ways than one. Shifting companies, losing touch with once-close friends, preparing for cat, applying for ms, battling loneliness, picking up pieces. Trying to make sense of my part in this universe. And what not. I’ll try to pen down those memories some time later in another post perhaps. For now…its been one hell of a roller coaster ride.

And I'm guessing the coming years won’t be a cake walk either!! So here I am , writing posts in the lull before the storm. Here’s me wishing myself the best of luck. I know I need it!!

...

2009-07-26T23:05:00.001+05:30

“The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he's always doing both.”

-James A. Michener

Using Google For Ranking Colleges

2009-07-24T08:31:00.006+05:30

Here is an interesting way to rank colleges, based on Google's Page Rank system :
College Rankings

Lick. Yumm. Slurp. Burp!

2009-07-11T17:37:00.007+05:30

Ive just got around twenty days left in India. So following every one's advice, I'm doing a lot of desi food eating. Every day I'm in a good restaurant or a mausi or kaka's house stuffing myself.

After a month I'll have to eat my own cooking. I don't know anything sadder than that. Maybe eating my roomie's cooking might be sadder..who knows. But then that would mean I cook for room mates and myself which would be the saddest case. Or maybe evennnn sadder would be being such a bad cook that I have to wash the dishes instead. Hmmm. Think I'll abandon this depressing para and move on.

So I'm enjoying myself now. Ive seen more restaurants last few months than ever before. Ive also seen many many relatives in the last few months. And relatives especially the old granny variety (oh no no! I meant elder aunty) mean only one thing.. getting your stomach, small and large intestines, and food pipe all stuffed with sweet and spicy goo that was awesomely mouth watering food just half an hour ago. Delicious!!! And just a tad disgusting.

People with Passion

2009-06-19T11:42:00.000+05:30

There are a few people in my life Im very grateful to. They are people with passion in whatever they do. Talking to them for a good twenty minutes is a big shot in the arm. Their passion rubs off on me.

Just recently Ive had a few such conversations and it feels really good! Man needs roti kapda aur makaan to exist, but passion and vision to really live life. In fact as I write this I realise how most of the times most of us are lacking in this respect. Any other time I wouldnt have given myself the permission to write this. Thinking how silly it might sound to someone reading this. But not now. There are times man needs to exchange ideas with like minded people. Talking with other big dreamers allows you to remove the mental blocks and fears, and sort of fly through the castles in the air that the mind conjures. Castles are first built in the air, then they are resurrected on the ground. The castle on the ground is just symbolic of a much much bigger thing - an idea - maybe with only a hint of possibility. It serves the purpose of reminding us of the wonders our brain can conjure. The real world is within the mind!!

Visa Power! Went and got it.

2009-06-15T16:25:00.001+05:30

I got my visa today from the Chennai consulate.

Luckily for me my cousin lives in Chennai, so accommodation,food and entertainment was well taken care of. Yesterday was spent mostly in the last minute arrangement of documents, ironing of shirts, ignoring of comments from well wishers on how people in general(and I in particular) should keep everything ready a few (read many) days before an important event.

Next day morning I was all set for my interview. Adrenalin was oozing in my veins. I found an auto and the infamous haggling over fares began. The entire journey was spent having alternating animated discussions on how tough life is for auto-karas in Chennai, and how often passengers are taken for a BIG ride (in more ways than one ) by the aforementioned autokaras. I didn't have much time at all to ponder over the questions that could be fired at me. I left the auto decidedly refreshed and invigorated by all the verbal jostling.

The VISA consulate at Anna Salai is quite a fortress. In a not so auspicious move I got down and tried to enter the building from the exit. And I was kicked out before I could get in. Anyway I walked all the way around to the entry point and stood in the looong queue. Nervous candidates and more nervous parents were standing there. I met so many people from Bangalore, from my college , from my school.. the world is really a small place.

One thing I probably realised - how I was lacking in good organization and filing of documents. Most of the people had come with such neat plastic "document suitcases" which contained flaps for all papers and even little coloured labels - ready made with text like Marks Card , TOEFL , I20 etc. And there I was carrying ALL my important original documents in a simple plastic cover.

As usual I had come around one hour early for my interview at 8:30 am. I had to wait till around 10.00 am till I got my chance. And five minutes later, a plump jolly American woman told me my Visa was approved. I did a wild tribal celebratory dance after hearing this. In my mind of course. And then had a coffee and walked out of there.

About the interview and the two plus hour wait .. I'll probably try to write in another post..suffice it to say that its not an easy wait and you get a zillion thoughts and emotions running through your head. So now its time to look forward and hope for the best...

Men ...cry??

2009-06-11T01:49:00.004+05:30

Only few men cry. Like Roger Federer for example.
The others all hold it back.

No perfect time

2009-06-07T07:00:00.014+05:30

Philosophical musings :
For most of the important things we do, there is no perfect time. Some of us spend eons planning, forecasting and trying to make things go exactly the way we want them to. This is where we forget the doing things right is nowhere as important as doing the right things. At the right time. We often post-pone the most important tasks waiting till we get enough time or the quintessential mood and environment that the important task deserves. And guess what, the perfect time more often than not never comes. The task then remains a nagging shadow following you all around all the time. Finally things come to such a boil that you just want to get get over with the damm task at hand. At some point you become convinced that things cannot possibly go any worse(which is wrong in the first place.Things can always get worser). And proceed with the task painfully. Once this is over its such a big relief! And then a few days later you look back and discover that your life didnt depend on the single task.And wonder why the hell you made such a fuss about it in the first place.

Skin

2009-05-24T14:09:00.011+05:30

Few days back I went to the dermatologist. A skin doctor if you please. Now what’s so special about going to the skin doctor… you might have wondered in your head. Hello... wait till I tell you the full story, I might have retorted had you expressed your thoughts aloud. And now having achieved the double objectives (objective?) of creating an artificial impression of suspense and managing to conjure up a opening paragraph with zero useful information when nothing writable was flashing in my head (third objective being writing a ridiculously long sentence that the reader wishes will get over, only to confront an another equally long ridiculous line at the end - within parenthesis) …gasp… I shall continue with the actual story.

So there I was in Jayanagar 4th Block walking around. A little aimlessly. That’s when I got this sudden urge to finish some pending stuff on my to do list. And there was point no 6 in black ink - ripe and fuzzy with age: Do something about rash.

It’s a silly little rash really. Not so silly that it can be ignored for long. Something that lies around until the day I’ve just forgotten about it. And then decides to erupt in indignation a little later. Not something contagious though. So if we've been in touch don’t worry! ( but again, you have only my word for this. And I’m not a Doctor. Yet.)

I took a little detour and sauntered into the dermatologists' clinic, pleased with myself. Just the day before I'd read some fundae by J Krishnamurti about how the "the first step is the last step". I’m taking the first step, I’m taking the first step I thought as I nearly tripped on the last few steps leading to the clinic. I entered the clinic and saw people packed into seats like French fries in a fat boys’ mouth. I decided to forget about J Krishnamurti's fundae for the time being. I entered gingerly, tried to fit in between two French fries but lost courage and ran back to the receptionist.

“Eh huh.. I don’t have an appointment. How long will it take to meet the doctor? “

“There are seven people before you. And its already 12.30 now. You will most probably not get an appointment by 1.45. Better you come after lunch around three.”

So I went back home. I knew the right thing to do would be to go back to the clinic at three. But I could make up some excuse and avoid doing this. So much work to do on the computer (I made myself think, handing myself a guilt free pass in the process).I headed blissfully back home knowing fully well I'd end up reading random stuff on the net instead of going to the Doctors’. But guess what. No current at home! And no marks for the second guess. No UPS at home!!

Once in every million years, when a first step is taken in the right direction, many other things conspire to make the right thing happen.
Sounds quite corny but you can quote me on this ... as "Nikhil Balaji's counter corollary to Murphy's law circa 2009”. So come 2.45 pm I headed back to resignedly to the dermatologists'. And finished my business with him.

One more thing which struck me was how far ahead the dermatologist was booked for appointments. When I asked for an appointment, the only slot I could get was for 3 weeks later! And appointment on Saturdays and Sundays... Forget it. Why what’s with the skin? Is it more susceptible to diseases and problems than other parts of the body? Or aren’t there enough dermatologists in India? Haven’t the medical fraternity figured the simple logic of supply and demand…why don’t more of them take up (for lack of a suitable word in my dictionary and a lethargy on my part to look up the internet) dermatology studies?? What the hell!!
Note to self: Meditation is apparently not working for you right now.

Lying on the lawn

2009-05-15T17:07:00.003+05:30

Not many things give me more pleasure than lying down on the ITPL lawn nowadays. After a hard days work (hard days work....I can hear the cynics!) a good lie down on a bed of lush green grass does wonders to the body. And more so to the mind. The process is a natural tension remover, the moment you lie down all mundane worries vanish with the wind!

I’ve been doing this regularly for quite some time now. An ideal time to do this would be in the evening around 6.30 to 7.30. A sunset can’t be seen from ITPL, but at least the changing light can be appreciated. You should take a stroll at this time, go down to the ITPL lawn and look for a decent spot. There used to be a lot of open space in ITPL sometime back. A big chunk of the grounds are now closed with construction work going on there. Presently there’s only a small rectangular patch of grass right opposite the Inventor building I work at. While the grass cover over here is not lush all around there are quite a few good spots you can find.

Picture this:
You are lying down on the lawn. As you look up you see towering steel and glass structures on three sides which seem to be welded at the edges. The U shaped monolithic block frames the deep blue open sky. There are a few Gulmohur trees on the lawn. Green leaves and few bright red bursts of flowers present an almost stark contrast with the unforgiving gray and glass all around.

Roll your eyes around and you can see chauffeur driven cars circling past you and your patch of green grass. A few irate cab drivers circle around the lawn waiting for passengers while other sleepy passengers yawn at passing cars hoping it is for them.

The lawn is riddled with muddy brown patches and there are places that are water logged. But all these just add to a sense of natural beauty that tries to thrive in the midst of computer filled concrete behemoths. As you continue gazing up, you see birds (and bats?) flying around at various levels in the sky. Some go in neat circular arcs, others make zig zag arbit flights. Many seem to be chasing what look like smaller birds or insects. As time passes a few mosquitoes appear from nowhere. Some get too close for comfort. They mosquitoes have a sense of taste (pun intended) too.. a selective few on the lawn walk around with black fuzzy clouds over their heads.

The light all around is diffused and golden - partly due to fading sunlight and partly due to the glow from the lamps encircling the park. Sometimes when there is a cloud or two, the lighting and scenery looks like its taken right out of an illustrated children’s book. As time passes the lamps grow brighter and white lights spill out on to the lawn from the concrete monsters. The sky meanwhile turns blue green orange copper purple. Somewhere in a corner a minuscule white dot becomes visible in the sky. With time more such scattered dots come into view and begin to sparkle. Things in the mind seem to become clearer as dots become stars become constellations on the sky above.

Some random building begins to emit a low pitched vibrating buzz. A wailing siren brings relief to factory workers somewhere close by and momentary irritation to others next to me. A steady white noise flows from the river of traffic just outside. In the background of such noises from man made jungles, happy voices float all around punctuated intermittently by raucous peals of laughter. People walk around on the lawn with cell phones - talking earnestly, arguing, cajoling, negotiating, flirting. The waterfall of voices around you is predominantly bubbly and soothing, quite unlike the crisp and somewhat harsh sounds within the buildings. Steady streams of people leave the buildings and pour on to the sidewalk. They look carefree and visibly happy.

A tiny wriggling sensation creeps up the ankle and moves on to the shins, cleaving a path towards the knee. Soon many such tiny tickles begin to be felt over various parts of the body. But you are comfortably lazy and decide to ignore them, taking in all the sensations. Time seems to stall and you are almost half asleep. In fact its almost time for the bus already! You stagger on to your feet and leave the lawn, whistling with the wind, kicking pebbles on the sidewalk……

Happiness?

2009-05-10T00:45:00.005+05:30

What does it really mean to be happy?

Is being happy a journey or a destination?

What is the connection between happiness and excellence?

Does long term happiness imply sacrifice of momentary happiness?

Are happiness and sadness two sides of the same coin?

Random Pics

2009-04-23T17:27:00.005+05:30

Cannibalism in Computers

Edible Soap??

My name WAS in the rolls this time...

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 15

2009-04-12T16:29:00.004+05:30

Message I recieved..
Hi! An update..Ive changed my mum.
99001xxxxx

Silly sidenote: he didnt send me the x's. I put them there.

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

no need to apologise, really!

2009-04-11T06:31:00.036+05:30

some times at night when I flop on to the bed
I think of what I should or should'nt have said
everything seems to have happened by chance..
should I or should'nt I have cared for a second glance?

no one is all evil, not everyones perfect
its best not to have too much to expect
everyones trapped in their own little world
in their own actions and emotions they're hurled

its ok if sometimes I cant get
whats going on in your mind
there are some awkward pauses i'll bet
but its time to leave all those behind

so let you be you and let me be me
theres no need to apologise, really!

A near-perfect blackout

2009-04-03T14:07:00.000+05:30

While returning home late last night there was a power cut.Not that power cuts are anything out of the odinary, but they almost always occurred in the afternoons in my locality. The darkness would have been pitch black but for the lights in the Brigade Gardenia apartments..trust those people to have uninterrupted power supply. And right in front of my home too.

Immediately the power cut took me down memory lane back to younger days when power cuts were amazing fun. Having lived for quite some time in apartment colonies, I remembered that in those days nothing was as fun and scary at the same time as playing hide and seek in the fading twilight, with no current powering up apartment lights and TV's in the various houses. And its not an everyday experience to be sitting on an open terrace under the stars with friends and family. You could do this any day, but its not quite the same as doing it on a power cut day. A power cut sort of gives you the moral license to sit back and relax without worrying about mundane daily 'action items'.

Theres something magical, naughty (I don’t mean eloping couples, but that’s probably a good way to spend a power cut too right?) and unnatural about a power cut. Its like going back in time. With no instant gratification like the TV and the net, time dilation seems to occur, suddently there is too much time on one's hands and nothing immediate to do till power comes back again. I get an eerie feeling thinking .. so this is how my great-great-great-great-grandfather must have spent his time in the evenings! A little depressing really.. Im so lucky to be living in this generation!

The other side effect of a power cut is the 'family bonding' thing which happens. Suddenly you have to spend time in the house together with only family members for company. And you realize how much you take the main people in your life for granted. In fact a routine power cut may do more good in the family bonding sense than a hurried visit to a movie in a mall through maddning traffic jams.

This also got me thinking - how five minutes of a power cut can trigger thoughts which I can never get even if I force myself for two hours. There must be some sense to these soft "stuff" like ambience, setting ,architecture of a place etc..things which we genarally take for granted.

Anyway, the power has come again, and the ambience has changed! Time to go, the internet is calling …

An abysmal joke before signing off..
Which is the most proactive environmental organization in Karkataka?
The Karnataka Electricity Board of course!

How to Take A Big Decision

2009-03-26T22:45:00.048+05:30

Here are some fundaes I'd like to share with the readers (ie mostly myself) on taking big decisions in life. There is no right way to do this, and its not many a time that you have to take a big decision. Im talking about really important decisions and choices one makes like choosing a college, a career , a company , a partner and so on. Most of the following are random thoughts that come to me now and then and Ive tried to organize them below..see if you can make sense.

a) Dont over-analyze. Indians in general are the calculating and brainy sort. And engineers in particular. So we have the habit of trying to approach life decisions in a rational and logical manner. And fail miserably most of the time.
Its often best to go with intuition. In all these decisions, its possible to do only so much of analysis. Using obvious logical methods, you could probably narrow down your search to anywhere between 2-3 choices. In my experience the choice almost invariably boils down to two close ones. After elimination the obvious choices, its really dosent matter which one you choose.
The important thing is to go with the gut feel. Rational explanations are far more useful to eliminate obvious choices than to select the optimum ones. You could say with some confidence that going to College ranked #10 is better than going to a college ranked #30. But to choose between colleges ranked #10 and #15 ?? If you factor in things like location, peer group, alumni network etc.. you could take months to decide which is better. And after these months of confusion you'll still be at square one, there is no return on the time invested in making the choice. You could have chosen college #15 two months back and prepared for it , and be in much better shape. Its takes some skill to identify when its time to stop thinking and start doing.

Contrast this with the way a child makes decisions. If you hold a red and a blue shirt and ask him to choose, theres' one color he'll immediately like. Ask him why and he'll probably not be able to tell you why he likes it , or may give a random reason. But the main idea is to choose. After a point in time all that matters is whether you have a shirt or not, and not if its blue or red!

b) There is no such thing as a perfect choice, its up to you to make your choice perfect. Making the choice is just the beginning, most of the effort is in sticking with the choice and ploughing down the path you choose. Once you make a choice ,you really need to 'subjugate the self' and proceed with it . There is often a tendency to look back and wonder what would have happened if you did the other thing... But this is only going to take away precious time from proceeding with the present choice. There is this thing which people call passion, belief or faith which is much much more important than the actual choice you make.Whatever choices you choose, you have to believe that it will work out. And there need not, or should not be a rational/scientific or rational explanation to this belief, its all an intuitive process.

Wherever humans are involved, there is no such thing as a correct choice. Because, err..we all know that to err is human. And add to it the fact the human problems are a function of time and external factors. Todays problems and questions will seem insignificant tomorrow, and one meeting with a long lost friend is enough to make you want to re-evaluate your life goals. So how do you solve a question that keeps changing every now and then??
Anyway, I think I might have digressed a little here and missed the point of this point. What Im trying to say is once you take a choice, get on and just do it!
By the way here's a first(and very crude?) approximation of the human brain according to me:

c) Dont ask too many people for advice, only talk to the people who really matter. When you are making a big decision, the best feedback you can get is from someone who knows you very well as a person or someone who knows you well professionally. Asking anyone else for advice is quite useless and just adds to the confusion. In fact the more you ask many people about what to do etc, the more it means youre not sure what to do yourself. This almost always points to your lack of confidence in the decision you've taken. Perhaps you need more time to think over your decision.

d) Dont follow others peoples footsteps blindly without knowing exactly why youre doing this. This is a similar point to the prevoius one.. Till now most of the decisions we take are in reality already made. Many of us end up doing engineering , taking up jobs or going for higher studies without really deciding why. For a fortunate majority of us, there were always some seniors or some general path laid out that you could follow. Of course the path in itself is tough, but the decision to take it is already made most often in a group phemomenon. We see lots of friends taking up the path, we see society (family/friends) generally nodding in approval when we take this path and decide to follow the gang. We never get the chance to ask some important questions to ourselves before choosing such paths like :

Would I do the same thing if all my friends backed out tomorrow?
Would I do the same thing if later I fail to get the kind of response from the people who matter to me?
Do I consider taking this path and possibly failing to be still better than not taking this path at all?
Would I have any regrets later on for not having done this ?

Its not wrong if the real reason for making a choice is any of the points above, but its wrong not to be aware of it.
For example the real reason you are taking choice A may be because you want to generally please society. Thats fine as long as you know thats the reason for making choice A. But if you dont know this , and later in the future you find that choice A does not really please society, youre screwed. By then you've already walked down path A and youre probably wondering why youre finding this path so difficult. Then at this crutial time you have to do some soul searching and figure out what you actually like...Choice A or pleasing society thing. And you have to fight the inertia factor..making a choice once youve decided while on Path A is one hell of a lot tougher than making a choice in the initial stage.

e)Keep the Planning and Execution part separate. Ive come up with the following gyan on how to make a choice, plan for it and go ahead with the decision. Also I learnt how to use basic Visio features in the process.

There is a Plan and Execute phase for every choice you make. During the planning phase, you sort of weigh in all options, see which choice will lead to the most favorable outcome and make a decision. And before entering the execute phase you pray, meditate or generally pep yourself up to tackle the way your life is going to shape up in the future. And then once you enter the Ecexute phase, you forget about the result and bother about the process of achieveing whatever goals you set for yourself.

So the four stages in the 'choice making process' are shown in the diagram. Lets now see the various common ways of making a choices ... (I cant believe how much of a lecture this blog is turning out to be!)

The ideal case Well this is the mose optimum way to come up with a plan and execute it well ahead in the time frame. You spend some time understanding your choices, take some time making a good plan, decouple yourself from the other plans and start executing the plan. The main point here is to ensure you enter the Execute phase only after ther Planning phase is well onver.
Decouple?? Decoupling refers to giving up or forgetting the remaining choices that you didnt take. The little orange bar is the most crucial part in the decision making process. Personally I find that the toughest to get through. The decouple stage is the one in which you really get ready and begin to accept the choice you have taken. If you do the decoupling properly, there's no looking back on the choices from then on. This is important because its natural human tendency to start questioning tha choice, once the path taken becomes more and more tough. In some sense the orange part is where you build your resolve to focus single-mindedly on the task at hand.

Heres what would happen if there is no sufficient decoupling. The choice is made and you're in the execution phase, but youre not 100% sure of the choice you made. Invarialbly there will be many a time during the execute stage when you start to question the choice you made (indicated by the numerous blue bands during the execute phase). Every time you hit a fairly big obstacle during the execute phase , you start re-evaluating your goals. This is a double whammy - you lose time trying to make new plans and you take an equal amount of time to come back to reality and get in the groove of carrying out your present unhappy choice. So by this way although you started the execute phase earlier ,you take much longer and more painful to reach the end.

The third case is one which you usually make when you are younger/ inexperienced. Here you do some research, planning and decoupling but all in a limited manner. Because of the short time before execution, there is more of a chance that you didnt make the most optimum choice. But due to the decoupling , you dont bother too much about this and proceed to the execution phase. Once you finish the process, you can probably see a lot of scope for improvement. There would be some hard lessons to be learnt, and you begin to see how to make a more informend choice next time.

The last one is a sad attempt at bringing some humor into this post. These are guys who are day dreamers and who dont have the balls to do anything (add appropriate metaphor for girls here). They can come up with some choices to make, but are too insecure or lazy to begin any choice in particular.

So here's to big decision making in the future!

Happy Ugadi ..

2009-03-26T22:15:00.004+05:30

Heres Wishing everyone a Very Happy Ugadi!!
Hope all your (and my) dreams for the new year come true.
And hope I'm able see more bella than bevu on my plate tomorrow..

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 14

2009-03-04T09:53:00.000+05:30

What do you call a wealthy, strong, incredibly clever magician ?

RichHard FeignMan

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

ITPL. Traffic. Politicians.

2009-03-03T13:07:00.000+05:30

The company I work for happens to be located in ITPL (International Tech Park Limited). It’s actually ITPB (International Tech Park Bangalore) and this is how you will find it on the web. ITPL is a huge place and with an aura of regality around it. But don’t let that deceive you. It’s almost like a city on the outskirts of a city. ITPL is home to many IT people in more ways than one – in addition to working , the people live here from morning to late evening, doing all their stuff in ITPL and returning to their ‘room’ or home only to sleep at night. If there were enough bunkers or cheap accommodation available, there would be a group of people who wouldn’t see the outside of ITPL gate for weeks on end.

The main pain in the backside about working at ITPL is the commute. This is especially severe if you stay out of a 5 km radius from ITPL, and it varies acc to the square (or cube ?) of the distance of your dwelling from ITPL. The two big factors exacerbating the pain in the pain in the backside are peak hour traffic (figurative pain ) and the bumpy roads (literal pain).

Peak hour traffic: traveling a great distance up and down to ITPL teaches you a great deal about time management (or conversely teaches you what a mega disaster can await you if DON’T practice time management). It’s a little like water surfing, only instead of trying to ride the crest of a wave; you try like hell to avoid the crest of the traffic. You need to time yourself just right. There’s a fine line between getting caught in a maddening peak hour traffic jam, and sailing through greeny traffic signals one after the other in a smooth flow. Like all other lessons of life this comes only with practice and experience. For example if I leave my home at JP Nagar at 7:30 am or earlier (on my bike), I can comfortably reach office in 45 minutes, worst case. But leave at 8:15 am, and I’ll take at least an hour and a half. Missing the time window has severe consequences, the time taken to reach ITPL leaving home at 9:00 am can easily be upto two and a quarter hours.

Bumpy Roads: Ah bumpy roads of Bangalore! No dearth of words can describe the wrath you unleash on the poor Bangalorean soul. The basic funda is : Don’t sit on the last few seats in the ITPL bus, unless you cant afford Dashing Cars at WonderLa (at least in dashing cars you can get down in 5 minutes). Also you are screwed at both ends because sitting too front near the engine will make your eardrums scream for mercy. But of course the option of the middle seats first goes to the traffically handicapped. These are the people who wear collars around the neck or carry special pillows to sit on.

Not too early to coin the word Traffic Related Injuries or TRI? Remember you heard about it here first. The unemployed youth can organize mass ergonomics classes with themes like

Best Practices while travelling in the Bus
Traffic Yoga – Calm yourself and make three hours of traffic a pleasure
Rulebook of Ideal Sitting Postures while travelling (available for all vehicles)

This way we can solve unemployment and traffic related problems in the same breath.
But wait! This can give birth to a new economy too, which focuses on traffic.I can already imagine the brash young politicians talking..

Guptaji Dude “To hell with roti, kapada aur makaan ….the future is in traffic, jaan! We need to build more city outskirts and inject traffic problems into these outskirts, so that we can solve them later. ”

Mukeshji Dude “Now we’re in luck. All cities In India are built embodying the lofty goals of frugality and simplicity. So they have little or no roads at all.”

Guptaji Dude “Right … the small city will form the core of our master plan. All we need to do is to declare some fad announcements like SBZ‘s … “

Mukeshji Dude “It’s actually called Special Economics Zones (SEZ's) dude…”

Guptaji Dude “Ya Ya I know you have completed 11th standard your own, stop showing off. You know dad gifted me a MBA Degree for my birthday, so remember who you are talking too ! Anyway, we will make a lot of Special Economics Zones and similar things. And all the IT companies will fall over each other to set up companies here. While letting out this place we’ll just make sure the roads are not too big! Plan good enough? “

Mukeshji Dude “I don’t think we can build bigger roads even if we wanted to! (Polite heh hehs from the chamchas and politicians) Also we SHOULD not build bigger roads. Our forefathers have worked so hard for this; there haven’t been big roads in India since time immemorial. We may be the future, but we can’t forget where we come from! “

One chamcha gets up and starts playing “Yeh jo desh hai mera ” at the background.

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 13

2009-03-03T12:57:00.000+05:30

Teacher : What is half plus half ?
Kid : Zero
Teacher : Thats wrong. The two halves make a 'one' .
Kid : But we learnt last English class that two halves make a hole.

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 12

2009-03-03T12:54:00.000+05:30

Before spell check : We would like to express our heartfelt congratulations to Srimati Kavita ….

After spell check : We would like to express our heartfelt congratulations to Primate Kavita …

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 11

2009-03-02T09:27:00.000+05:30

Why did the soldier scramble and try to get a seat in the armoured military vehicle?

Because the other option of fighting the war on foot was a tankless job.

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

CAT. And Afterlife.

2009-03-01T10:37:00.002+05:30

The CAT exam has been a very touchy subject for me for many reasons. Since the CAT results were announced I've tried to write on this, but the whole project of preparing for and writing CAT was sooo intense that I could not get a perfect post to do justice to what I wanted to say.
So after much deliberation, I gave up on getting out the perfect post and I'll just put three random lessons I learnt from writing CAT ...

1) Failure is not as bad as the fear of failure.
2) Confidence in whatever you do is a prerequisite for success.
3) Having a set of like minded people with you on your journey is essential.

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 10

2009-02-28T16:05:00.003+05:30

What do you call a collection of birthday snaps where the unlucky chap gets more than a few kicks on his backside?

Photo All Bums !

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 9

2009-02-28T00:30:00.002+05:30

Carefree Employee : So what program this Sunday man ?

Stressed Out Employee : Same bloody program I was supposed to finish last Sunday man!

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Sirprize!!

2009-02-25T22:15:00.006+05:30

"I'm going to Savandurga tomorrow for a trek with my friends" announced Gaurav.

There was momentary silence in the Kulkarni household. Everyone was waiting for someone else to begin. No one wanted to be the first to take the blame for starting the whole drama.

"So does that mean you are going to miss physics tuition tomorrow?" sister asked. Gaurav's silence was answer enough. This was promptly followed by a derisive snort, some rolling of the eyes and a few coughs from father, mother and sister respectively.

All knew what was to come next. There would be an explosion of fireworks from four big mouths. Each person would chip in to give very well meaning and very bitter advice to Gaurav. Gaurav would declare he was fed up of being controlled by everyone.

"But you just went to the farmhouse party last week"

"All my friends are going tomorrow. I cannot miss it"

Ah, using the friendly example to evoke feelings of emotional repent. Now mother and sister began to tread carefully, trying to modulate their voice so that they cannot be perceived as being unjust or sadistic. The situation was a little like India Pakistan fighting for Kashmir.... either a constant war or undercurrents of it other times. But no solution in sight.

"Friends or enemies, you cannot go. That’s it." Dad said.
So it was decided then. Once dad put his foot down, NO one could lift the handkerchief from below it.

Next Day Gaurav started using the next tactic in his bag of tricks. He began pitching for his upcoming birthday. "You didn’t let me go to the trek, at least get me a nice birthday present" he told amma, the softest target. Gaurav was really competent in using diplomacy.

"You spend so much on makeup. Have you ever considered making up with me by buying me a good birthday present?" Gaurav said to sister.

Gaurav knew such tricks won't work on his father though. Dad was an accomplished diplomat and was a role model for Gaurav in a weird sort of way. Probably he had pulled off similar tricks when he was a kid. But dad had one weakness : studies.
"I got 86/100 last maths exam. I need money for books and maths tuition, or else I may not get good marks in the coming mid terms"

Ah, he had touched a soft and wanting-to-help-at-last nerve.
"Little kiddo wants to buy books and study! He wants to do well in life!!
This birthday I'll will break the rules and give him a present." thought dad.

The birthday dawned.

Gaurav got a home made cake and few Tin Tin books from amma.

Gaurav got an original Reebok sweatshirt from sister.

Gaurav knew he would get nothing from dad for his birthday, but he was to get the money for his books and tuition today. That would be his biggest present!
Gaurav's dad came and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I have always thought giving presents on birthdays is a stupid idea. Look I never got presents on any of my birthday's ever (wife glared at him now). Other than from Amma of course..heh heh..Sure... Correct!!"

Whenever amma stared at him, he forget his lines and suddenly became very optimistic in general. "Er..anyway, this birthday I wanted to get you something."

Gaurav's throat became dry after hearing this in spite of the Pepsi he had drained a few moments ago.

"I remembered what you asked for sometime back!"
Gaurav also desperately tried to remember what he had asked for last time.

"See you always complain I don’t take any spontaneous actions! So I personally went to Manju sir and booked the maths tuitions for you!! " (When no one clapped, dad continued) Lucky chap! Not many people can afford tuitions for two subjects. Now you will definitely get super marks in the coming mid term!"

Mother and sister looked at dad with mock disbelief.
Gaurav looked at Dad with real stomach wrenching disbelief. He was screwed. This was the worst birthday had ever had. What a terrible sirprize!

Adityaism

2009-02-25T09:22:00.000+05:30

In these times of recession, praying to God and faith in religion can help only so much. However much you pray, your religion may not help you fix the innumerable bad patches in your life. So it is good to consider the option of having a backup religion. Much similar to having backup offers in college placements during rosier times.

After some searching , I stumbled across this religion called Adityaism. It looks like an ideal backup religion in these recession times. Also many people dont know about this religion yet. So now is a good time to adopt this auxiliary religion, before this religon also becomes big, cumbersome and political. Check it out!

Mugged at Garuda Mall

2009-02-22T17:33:00.009+05:30

Last Saturday six friends went to see Delhi-6 at Inox, Garuda Mall.And it was there that I got mugged.

Well, not exactly.

But bear with me, Im trying to build some suspense into this post. So after seeing the movie all of us were hanging around in the lobby/atrium area for a few minutes, wondering what to do next. There was some kind of 'show' happening in the middle, where general public was called on stage to do funny things (funny for the watching crowd, not necessarily for the bakra on the stage) and win prizes.

Silly volunteering people, I thought.

No marks for guessing who the next bakra was.

The tall dark and somewhat handsome compere walked towards our group and beckoned me to come near him. Our group was in no mans land, neither in the atrium-circle nor out of it. We were the juciest prey the compere could lay his eyes and mike on.

He called three of us onto the stage, and told us the rules. We were supposed to do a silly gig in which we take out all the contents of our wallets, line them up on the ground for everyone to see (and laught at in some cases) and put everything back into the pockets. The guy who did this first was to win a prize. The whole episode was hilarious , with none of us following the rules correctly. The person next to me was carrying loads and loads of cash, and didnt seem to have any interest in winning the prize. He slowly separated his 500 rupee notes from each other for better visibility. Saleswomen at Garuda mall were lustfully eyeing this exhibition.

Needless to say, the three people from our group finished the gig the earlist, having had the least cash to take out from the wallets. My friend Vikram BP officially finished the earliest, but the compere picked me as the winner, probably I had a better chance to make the crowd laugh (at me).

"So whats your name?"
"Hi everyone, Im Nikhil"

"So Nikhil what are you doing at Garuda mall today?"
"I came to see the movie Delhi 6 "

"So Nikhil, can you act like Aamir Khan? "
"??" Did this guy not know Abhishek Bachchan and not Aamir Khan acted in this movie ? "Uh Huh...I can try ..."

By now he seemed to have realized his mistake and asked me to imitate Abhishek Bachchan instead. Thank God!
I thought Abhishek Bachchan didnt really know how to act.
I thought I really didnt know how to act.

Having thought thus, I put my thought into action and proceeded to do the silliest sort-of-dance ever allowed to occur in Garuda Mall. In the middle I forgot the steps (step would be appropriate..I kept doing the same thing again and again) and started doing Hrithik Roshan's steps instead. The crowd was pretty dumb, no one got it when I switched over from Abhishek Bachchan to Hrithik Roshan.

In the end , I got a mug with a green frog painted on it for my erforts. By the way another friend Ankith also did a dance on stage, which was very good. Lots of people clapped.

But even he got the same silly frog mug that I had got.

Ha!

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 8

2009-02-22T10:30:00.004+05:30

Who comes most often to haunt John McCain in his nightmares ?

The Obaminable Snowman

What did God do when he couldnt understand a word of what was being said in the global economic summit ?

He called for a re-session !!

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 7

2009-02-22T10:08:00.003+05:30

An office colleague on being aksed if he remembered what Pauli's exclusion principle was :

I knew it 3 years back, but my son is in engineering now. I will learn it again when my daughter comes to 12th standard

Why did Hermione bid a tearful farewell to Ron and Harry as they left for Australia?

They were her sole mates

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Confused Cyclist

2009-02-18T22:55:00.003+05:30

Am I a vehice or am I a man…
which of these two roles should I don
when I'm stuck in a terrible traffic jam

Slowly but surely I can weave my way
between honking cars and smoking buses
without being led by glaring autos astray

Now that Ive reached the end of the line
I see a traffic policeman ready to foil my plan
can I ride across the signal and yet avoid a fine ?

On both road and pavement Im in no mans land,
equipped with only a useless bell going tring tring
why, why such fate had God for me planned?

Flashback : Trip to Kodachadri

2009-02-18T04:48:00.006+05:30

I decided to delete another blog I usd to write - Wanderlust , primarily since the blog had only one post in the past two years. And I was loath to lose that one post , so heres a repeat of it ... basically a travelogue of a trip of Kodachadri Hills and other places during college days.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We (Manjunath RG, Manoj, Mohan, Nikhil, Puneeth, Raghunandan, Sumedh, Vikram) left Bangalore Railway Station at 11:10pm on the 29th of December 2006. The plan was to visit sringeri, Kodachadri, Jog Falls and other interesting places we came across on the way. We were to spend the last day of 2006 trekking on the Kodachadri Hills. The journey aboard the Shimoga Express was pretty uneventful, we played UNO until midnight, with the occasional company of a drunken policeman.

We reached Shimoga bleary eyed and cold early next morning and took a Qualis to Hotel Mathura Palace to get some lost sleep and to freshen up. We had breakfast at the same hotel and left towards Sringeri at 8:05am on National Highway 13. On the way we stopped at a nearby dam and tested Mohan's Nikon camera on the riverside scenery.

Further along on the way we stopped at Elephant Camp.We had a first hand view of the elephants befing given a bath in the early hours of the morning. The mahouts were very meticulous and the elelphants seemed to be enjoying the attention.

We hit the road again and travelled on winding and tortuous roads lined with eucalyptus, arecanut and a host of other trees. The roads were no bed of roses though,they were riddled with potholes.

There was a farmhouse-turned resort on the way :Vihangama Resorts I think, where Sumedh had stayed before, we stopped there for about twenty minutes. The place was very scenic with its plantations, hillocks and most of all, the beach-like sand and rocks framing a nearby river. We left the place conjuring up plans to buy a similar farmhouse sometime in the future.

The next stop was at Kuvempu's (widely regarded as the greatest writer/poet of Kannada language) house. The place was well maintained, the house and its accoutrements gave a glimpse of the lifestyle and culture prevalent during the great poets time. We saw the memorial where his body rests, the place was encompassed by Stone henge- like structures that bemused us, i guess we didnt grasp the full import of it.

We reached Sringeri at 12:30pm. We payed our respects at the Sharada temple (dedicated to the Goddess of learning and wisdom), but could not visit the Shankaracharya Mathin the vicinity. We fed puffed rice to the fishes in the adjoining Tungabhadra river.

We had lunch at Sringeri and left for Nagara, the town close to Mohan's Chikappa's farmhouse . On the way we stopped at a nondescript Jain Temple, and then at the ruins of Shivappa Nayakas fort. The views at the fort were pretty scenic, the terraces on the fort resembled the famous and now cliched place shown in Dil Chahta Hai; the one with rocks on the edge of the sea where Sid, Akash and Sameer hang out.

We left for Chikappas house , but had to take a detour on the way due to a collapsed bridge. We reached the place at 5:30pm. The route to the farmhouse-Kalkai for the last 30 min was pretty steep and winding, vehicles other than jeeps and SUV's would have found plying it a herculean task. It made us wonder just how different our city life is from that of the locals here. The house was charming and idyllic in an old fashioned way, seemed to be bereft of the noise and rigours of daily city life.

We looked around the place and left for a small night trek to a nearby hillock to catch a signal on our cellphones. It was past sunset, but there was bright moonlight. The sky view was amazing, with no clouds in sight and stars gleaming all over the place.

We ruturned from our jaunt, discussed about tomorrows plans with the folks in the farmhouse and had dinner, which was excellent. We planned to tuck in early as we had a tough day ahead but ended up playing UNO until nearly midnight again.

We had breakfast the next morning and left for Kollur at 9:30am. At Kollur we visited the Mookambika Temple and spent some time buying odds an ends we might require on the trek. We had a few heated discussions and squabbles before deciding on the exact itinery for the day ,there were two alternatives to take : a 3 hour trek from Vallur or a 5 hour one from Kollur itself. Finally we decided to walk upto Arasangudi falls and return, and then take the 3 hour trek to reach the temple priest's house Bhattru mane (just half-an-hour before the Sarvajna peak you will find this temple, which is an ideal place for camping).

Here is some general info about the peak which I convinently plagarised:
Kodachaadri in Hosa Nagar taluq in Shimoga district in West Karnataka is the highest peak in Shimoga District. At the peak it is believed that ‘Shankaracharya‘ did meditation. And to substantiate the same you will find a ‘Sarvajna Peetha‘ at the top. On the way to the peak you will also find a moderate sized waterfall deep inside the evergreen forest of Kodachaadri, which is called ‘Agastya Teertha‘. The peak presents a not to be missed lifetime opportunity in the evening as the sun sets in the west and in the morning as the sun rises in the east. You can also have a
golden glimpse of the Arabian Sea for a moment.

After having lunch we started the trek to Kodachadri from Vallur (a small village which has a single mallu tea shop) along the forest path on foot. The path was pretty well trodden and frequented by jeeps who raised huge clouds of dust that had us gasping for breadth. Some of us decided to look for alternative less treversed forest paths. We soon discovered that the winding "jeep path" had offshoots which cut through the forest and were a little difficult to negotiate (which was how we wanted it anyway). We began climbing these smaller paths stopping now and then to watch the scenery unfold before us. The panoramic sights more than made up for our weariness and we continued with a spring in our stride.

We reached Bhattru mane at about 6:30pm and began arrangements for the night. We entertained ideas of sleeping on the mountain side but with no camping gear and lots of plans for the next day, decided to sleep in Bhattru mane itself. The dinner in Bhattru mane was very good, or maybe our hunger knew no taste. We explored the place around the temple for sometime, there were a lot of other folks with campfires who were welcoming the new year by drinking, dancing and making merry.

The next morning we got up early and left to see the sunrise from a nearby hillock. The sunrise was beautiful and intoxicating, we were thrilled to see the white trail left by what looked like a space shuttle streaking past the sun.

We then walked up to Sarvajna Peetha and spent some time there.

We decided to take a jeep on our way back to Vallur from Bhattru mane as we were tired and had some more plans for the day. We left Vallur in our Qualis for Jog falls, stopping at Sagar for lunch. We spent about 3-4 hous at Jog falls, before we left for Shimoga. We had dinner at Shimoga and boarded the train back to Bangalore at 10:30pm.

We were back to Bangalore at 5:30am the next day, each of us pondering whether or not to go to office that day.

This, my friend is the story of our trek/road trip!

Evil Bus Driver

2009-02-10T11:12:00.002+05:30

It was a pleasantly cool Monday morning. I walked to my bus stop with a spring in my step and a song in my heart. I had downloaded some good songs on my I-pod didn’t have much work in office today. As I walked, I passed across people in sweatshirts jogging and doing exercises. Dogs some leashed, some unleashed took their owners for a walk. Kids were playing football in the playground. I glanced at my watch and slowed down a little. I still had five minutes to go. The bus was to come at seven thirty in the morning. The driver’s watch was 15 min late and he didn’t know how to change it, because he always came at seven forty five. It was seven twenty eight and I would still have quite some time to listen to songs in the relatively calm bus stop, without the default traffic remix the bus provided. I came to my bus stop and said the customary hi to my bus-mates (if that’s a word).

I was in the middle of my third song when a bus-mate got a phone call from a friend. It appeared that the bus had already left. Amidst groans and boos, all of us began to form groups of two or three. We had to now travel to the nearest bus stop in auto, about 2 km away. The morning was not pleasantly cool anymore. It was chilly.

I got up earlier than usual the next day. I hurriedly had cornflakes and milk, forgoing the one decent home-cooked meal I would otherwise have. Having ironed my clothes last night itself, I was left with ten minutes to spare before it was seven twenty, the usual time I left home. I didn’t spend the ten minutes at home. I grabbed a book and my iPod and left for the bus stop with a song in my heart but no spring in my step, more with a hurried scuttle across crisp black asphalt. I reached the bus stop at seven seventeen and only then could I heave a sigh of relief. I knew I had at least fifteen minutes to spend in the bus stop. Over the next few minutes some more of my bus-mates joined me at the bus stop, all hoping they hadn’t missed the bus. We waited, mostly patiently.

Seven thirty.

Seven thirty two. No bus at the horizon.

At seven thirty six we finally saw a Pushpak bus weaving its way through small obstacles like cars, bullock carts and potholes. As it came closer, groans and boos resounded again. It was not an ITPL bus.

It would have been interesting to watch how people react to irritation and anxiety, had I not been in the same situation myself. Some stress busting techniques I noticed were quite quirky. A started cleaning his ears compulsively, using up up to six ear buds. B was having an argument with her husband. From what I made out the kind hubby wanted to wait till B got into the bus physically, but B was bothered by this for some strange reason and kept shooing him away without success. C seemed to be unprepared for an important meeting and after several minutes of deliberation, decided to open up his laptop and start working on his ppt. Seeing street urchins seeing him, his face reddened and he hurriedly closed the laptop before the urchins could have a good glimpse at the laptop. I, for my part had taken to straining my neck and glancing up and down the read much like I would probably do in a tennis match. This was because our bus stop was such that the bus could arrive from either side of the road. I’m not kidding.

There was a brief period of time when we all decided that the bus would come at the usual Indian standard time of seven forty five and we relaxed. I say brief because just a few moments later seven forty five passed us. Without the bus.
Till now all had kept mostly to themselves. By seven fifty however, there were signs of group protest. Most people probably thought” So its seven fifty now. The bus is officially late. I can speak ill of the driver with a free conscience... ”. A whispered murmuring broke out followed by heated gossip which then culminated in intermittent outbursts of raucous laughter aimed at the driver. All jobless people at the bus stop almost had a very good time with the attention their jokes got.

One or two people decided to take a rickshaw to the nearest bus stop. Finally the bus came at seven fifty. We got in, each of up competing with the other to give an evil stare at the bus driver. We reached office forty minutes late. The timing of our trip was perfect; we didn’t miss a single traffic jam that could have been possible on our 28km journey to ITPL.

Sniffer Dogs at ITPL !

2009-02-09T09:52:00.001+05:30

The security at ITPL is going to the dogs. Literally.

Today, as our bus entered the ITPL premises, we were pleasantly surprised (some cynophobics alarmingly so) to see a white Labrador and his (or her. I don’t know.) owner climb into the bus. People sitting close to the passage had to hurriedly tuck in their arms legs, briefcases, purses and stomachs in some cases to make way for the dog. Most of the people were curiously amusedly watching the proceedings, almost hoping the dog would find something, just to add some excitement to their mundane lives. But the dog found nothing.

Anyway, the whole episode made me feel guilty. I’m provided with such good security until I’m safety sitting in my cubicle. My body guards have braved all kinds of dangers and done their job of protecting me. Now its my turn. And instead of shaking the world with ground breaking work that I’m supposed to do according to my destiny, I sit and write a post about the bodyguards! I suppose however much you straighten a dog’s tail, its going to curl again…

Crazy Song ; Craaaaazy Song

2009-02-08T16:01:00.007+05:30

For a brief period today morning a certain bollywood song 'Desi girl, desi girl' was playing at home. The tune goes something like 'a dessi girll ; a deeeesi girrrrrlllll girl girl girl...'. Ever since , I just cant get the song out of my head. Really irritating. The song has hijacked my brain and ever since I'm wandering about the house aimlessly humming the tune over and over. And over again.

Having a lot of spare time, I started googling to find out more about this and a few searches later, Bingo! A search for "song stuck in head" gave the result, the phenomenon is apparently called earworm. Heres a description of 'earworm' pulled out of wikipedia :

Earworm, a calque of the German Ohrwurm,[citation needed] is a term for a portion of a song or other musical material that repeats compulsively within one's mind, known colloquially as "being stuck in one's head". Use of the English translation was popularized by James Kellaris and Daniel Levitin. Kellaris' studies demonstrated that different people have varying susceptibilities to earworms, but that almost everybody has been afflicted with one at some time or another.[1] A more scientific term for the phenomenon, involuntary musical imagery, was suggested by the neurologist Oliver Sacks in 2007.[2]
There have been claims "that earworms may be songs or tunes that become stuck in the phonological loop, the part of the brain that rehearses verbal information in Baddeley's model of working memory. This usually happens when a person sings the song or hums the tune once and then repeats it in his or her mind." However, this information is not supported by any scientifically published information and was presented only as a guess of an unknown author.

Stupid ATM, Stupid Me

2009-02-06T23:39:00.031+05:30

Sometimes when things go wrong, the aforementioned things perfectly synchronize with each other to form a deadly sequential combination of wrong things which can make even Gautam Buddha'ish kind of people go completely insane. If I’m not making much sense, it’s because as I write this a furious me is sitting at the footsteps of a rally stupid ATM which having swallowed my debit card with great gusto, now refuses to return it back.

In an instant I'm reduced from a savvy laptop carrying IT professional to a tense blubbering fool trying to desperately call SBI or SBM help lines to report a case of ATM mishap. WITH NO AVAIL of course!! By now I can feel droplets of bile form in my stomach (liver?) as my body prepares for a fight or flight situation. But having about 5 million years of evolutionary catch up to do, my body is totally unprepared for anything in this situation. (don’t correct me about 5 million years if you know better. I’m in front of the ATM now with no Internet access to verify this fact. Not that I verify facts that I otherwise write in my blog anyway...) In an ideal case a human body should have learnt by now that it is clearly of no use producing bile, adrenalin and other such stuff when it encounters either a toxic alien dubbed 'government official', or any of the toxic alien establishments dubbed 'Government offices'. Few notable examples of toxic alien establishments in Bangalore would be the

Government Banks
BDA
RTO
KEB

The toxic aliens and their establishments present a paradox : they claim to exist purely for the benefit of humankind but proceed to suck the life out of every human being upon contact. They have a very brutal form of torture: in todays world where giant leaps for mankind occur every nanosecond, they do nothing. Or they take so long to do something that you forget what they should have done in the first place, thus creating the illusion that they do nothing.

Anyway, my body far from being the ideal one (in more respects than I'd like to admit) continues to produce copious amounts of adrenalin as I wait for the bank to open, making me imagine with much relish how soothing it would be to box the ears of the first toxic alien I come across. Finally at 8:45 am a toxic alien appears. I don't box his ears.I tell him my predicament.

Me: Hi! Good Morning! (have to use this kind of bullshit platitude to put the toxic alien in a good mood) Do you know what I’m supposed to do; my debit card is stuck in the ATM machine.

Toxic Alien: Hmmm. Why are you sitting on the newspaper? It belongs to the bank employees you know.

Me: #@$%^&!! I’ve missed my bus , I'll miss the meeting at office and I’ve been waiting for 40 minutes like a watchman in front of your ATM , all the while shooing away other hapless customers, so that their cards don't pile up behind mine in the goddamn machine, and you’re worried about newspaper ? NEWSPAPER!! Come on! By the way , I’m considerate enough to sit on the classified section listing houses and plots for sale, none of which any bank employee dare buy in this wonderful economic climate that we have. And do you expect me to sit on the dust adorned ATM steps while I’m wearing a shiny black pant that happens to be both washed and ironed today?? Balls to you.... Of course I don’t say this. I was fond of my debit card and wanted it back. I turned sycophant again.

'Oh! Sorry about that. I thought someone else left it here by mistake.'

He glared at me, asked me to wait for five minutes and went into the ATM booth. I stood at the doorsteps of the adjoining SBM branch office. Five agonizing minutes later, he came up to me with the card and said 'Here, it had fallen down under the ATM machine. Our ATM's are very good, they don’t take the cards into them, you know. Next time be more careful'.

I stood there open-mouthed and dumbstruck. I mean, how the hell could the card fly out of the slot and place itself neatly under the ATM machine without me noticing?? The alien looked pretty earnest though (I mean earnest; he wasn’t pretty by any means. To me at least.), and I didn’t think he'd be lying about the card having fallen down. I forgave him for that.

But what about the last line - 'next time be more careful’? Nice move on his part-to put the blame back on me and make me feel guilty? To deprive me of my one source of toxic alienic punching bag? No way. I’m going to hold the stupid ATM responsible for wrecking my tight daily schedule(made tight solely by my inveterate slothfulness and procrastination) And I’m going to hammer out a blog on this , however stupid it may seem! Aaagrh!!

Night trek to Skandagiri Hills : Part 2

2009-02-02T22:29:00.013+05:30

I was going to post some more details about our trek to Skandagiri Hills. Unfortunately we didn't get to see the unique mountain in the sea of clouds photo that is its USP. BUT my brother got these snaps when he went there 2 weeks back! So to hell with my rants about my trip, feast on these snaps from my brothers trip instead.

Lazy man's Article

2009-01-19T22:43:00.004+05:30

Night trek to Skandagiri Hills : Part 1

2009-01-18T22:02:00.010+05:30

Finaaaly, after about one and half years of slothful city life , I went on a trek with office colleagues last Tuesday. And that too in the night! It was to the mighty mountain range far away from Bangalore - Skandagiri Hills! Ta-Dan Ta-Daa!!! (its actually a small hilltop just 60-70 km from Majestic Bus stand, but Im loath to let the truth get in the way of a good story)
Anyway, here are some pics from the trip...all of which were taken by Mani. Accompanying them are rants from yours truly.

Skandagiri Hills is(are?) now becoming quite popular with IT folks in Bangalore as a quick weekend trekking destination. The commonly followed itinerary is to climb the mountain in the night (statrting time varying from 12.30am to 3am), brave the cold winds on top for a few hours, look at the glorious sunrise and climb down again. The trek should take about 2 to 2.5 hours IF
1) all people in the group are at least slightly athletic.
2) you either know the way to the top, or go with a guide who basically just walks with you to the top of the hill or if lots of people are trekking so you can follow other gangs of trekkers.
Above is a picture of our gang at the base of the hill. Just behind us is the tea stall where you can get tea (obviously) and bread omlette.
The initial part of the trek was ok, but we started getting quite tired as we climbed higher and higher.

The gear (shoes, baggage, tents etc) can play a big part in the trek too... its important to use compact,comfortable and tried and tested stuff on the journey, to prevent any surprises. The green bag Im carrying in the next pic is a tent big enough for 5 people, weighs just about 2 kg or so..

For the first half hour or so the night was full of natural crystal clear moonlight , a far cry from the light-polluted Bangalore skyline. We could also literally see white hazy clouds forming at the top of the hill. However, most spectacular was the star studded sky. We couldnt get this on camera so you'll just have to believe us in the next pic...

As we got closer to the hill top it became more and more chilly and damp. We realised we were now level with the clouds and were surrounded by zillions of minuscule water droplets. The torches threw light less further now. They even resembled the swords of a Jedi knight...

5 Things You can do in Nagpur but not in Bangalore

2009-01-05T23:07:00.005+05:30

5) Cough up Rs 45 for a shady looking Masala Dosa in a shady looking roadside hotel.

4) Travel in any vehicle in any direction for not less than 40 minutes and find yourself out of the city.

3) Buy sweets for half the cost compared to Bangalore.

2) Get up at 9:30 am,decide to watch Ghajini at 10 am, leave home at 11 am , reach the theatre at 11.20 am buy tickets at 11.30 am and wait patiently for the movie to start at 12 pm.

1) Ride a bike like crazy at top speed on heavenly roads without wearing a Helmet !!

Art and I

2009-01-03T22:57:00.028+05:30

So here I was, a couch potato half asleep watching TV on a Saturday morning. I zeroed in on HBO and started seeing a documentary Art-ish film 'My Kid Could Paint That' primarily since no other channels had any meaningful movies going on. The initial part of the film was about a 4 year old girl 'artist' whose paintings won much acclaim and sold for large sums of money. About the later part.. I didnt know anything about.Why so ? Read on...

The first few parts consisted of interviews of Marla's (the child artist) parents and other people closely associated with her. The really good part was the footage of Marla painting. The scene was very natural and sort of pure: a little girl sitting on a sheet of canvas, taking out colors of various hues in oodles from toothpaste-like tubes and spreading it on, using her paint brush, hands, feet and what not to make cute patterns on the paper. The documentary nature and background chat with her parents made you feel like you're sitting there in Marla's living room, watching her and her kid brother play with colors. I felt just like a child, I could almost smell the paint on my own hands, and I felt a little jealous: grown ups really suck at having fun..

So I decided to be proactive. I decided to paint. What the hell, if a 4 year old can do it so can I.. I stopped the movie in the middle, went to the nearest stationary shop and brought some white chart-paper and Oil Paints, and sat down for some serious arting. And by mid-afternoon I had 3 masterpieces ready !!

This one is pretty amateurish I agree.... Depending on your mood you may think of it as
1) green and blue grass on an alien planet
2) a group of teenage snakes at the disco
3) how Bangalore buildings would look like in 5 years time
4) a traffic jam nightmares are made of...
Any other suggestions?

This one may appear ugly to the untrained eye. But don't be fooled, as you are well aware all art especially modern art needs a fine asthetic sense to be appreciated. Only a trained eye (like mine, probably the only one) can percieve the fine melange of colors, the sensuous brushstrokes and abrupt and dramatic use of fingers in the art form to evoke a sense of helplessness as one tries to grapple with the inherent meaninglessness of the picture. Some of you people may even be sorely tempted to tear your hair out in frustration. Therein lies the difference. You think I created the sense of meaninglessness by mistake. I know I created it on purpose. A true abstract artist am I eh?

Aaaaand finally the Picasso! The jewel in the crown !! I present to you ..this! Well dont ask me what it is-I dont know myself , but it sure is hot property. I am willing to part with it though, for any sum above Rs 500..

By the way, see 'My Kid Could Paint That' if possible. And let me know how the second part goes.

Contentment

2008-12-08T22:22:00.005+05:30

I'm sitting in the ITPL Pushpak bus, going back home from work. The bus is refreshingly empty and I have three seats to curl up on. The window is half open. The traffic is straggly and insubstantial. I'm listening to Tanha Dil as the bus glides almost noiselessly on the smooth road (even in Bangalore smooth roads exist) The wind rustles against my skin and hair. I have my laptop with me, but I'm not carrying work back home. I have a good book with me in case the Ipod runs out of power. I know there is a sumptuous meal waiting for me back home.

Now that is contentment.

Dark Humor instead of Strong Coffee at Office

2008-12-04T23:48:00.003+05:30

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 6

2008-12-02T16:25:00.002+05:30

What do you call a romantic cyber cafe which also serves North Indian food?
E-rotika

What does the fat terrorist call his dumb-bells?
Weapons of mass destruction

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Visit to the Gym

2008-12-01T18:42:00.005+05:30

I turned up at 1 pm for my physio at the gym, little knowing what to expect.
It started out quite ok, I thought. I met the physio Yograj. I looked forward to the procedure with a jaunty air, everything looked encouraging. Yograj asked some simple questions about my medical history etc. He was almost pitiful when heard my report.. no major illnesses; no surgeries ; no smoking ; no drinking, no untoward incidents. I could read the thoughts in his head as clearly as daylight.. stupid software guy does not have a life!! “ I’m a hardware guy and you’re only partially right about the 'does not have a life' part” I wanted to correct his thoughts but decided against it. The initial session went ahead without any further incidents.

Then came the height, weight and other measurements section. The height was no surprise, since man is not biologically known to vacillate in height every now and then. But the weight! Ah the weight.. waxing and waning asymmetrically (more of waxing in my case), always in flux and tormenting me in its uncertainty. The weight turned out to be 71 today. But this was not a the surprise.. The biggest surprise was when Yograj told me my weight was a little on the lower side!! What? I asked him twice aloud and 14 times in my head. How can I not be overweight?? Something was very fishy here, and I’m not talking about the smell my shoes and socks sitting innocently at the corner were radiating. Anyway the expert had manipulated data in my favor. Good for me! I could feel my self -esteem burgeoning into a big balloon over my head.

Then next, I was supposed to go through a number of physical tasks or mini exercises. Having categorized me as just another IT professional who's more interested in filling company coffers than in improving the temple of his soul i.e. his body, he proceeded to systematically puncture holes in every possible way in the hot air balloon that my self-esteem had become. He made me stretch legs, do push ups , touch the toes, balance on heel, balance on toes and what not. He was delighted that I couldn’t do more than x pushups (x being close enough to negligible to warrant not mentioning it). Paining at the hamstrings he he? he asked. My brain shifted gears in a effort to recollect where my hamstrings were, but since I was aching all over, it really didn’t matter where those hamstrings were, they were paining all right.

Here’s only a partial list of my physical fallacies he mentioned:
1) Less body strength (Ok fair call. Considering that I hardly do lots of things other than lifting the mouse and laptop)
2) General Flabbiness in upper body ( $#%^&*?? I think this guy is really pulling it now! After running 3 km daily and eating paltry fruits as lunch for two weeks this guy says I’m flabby. I'll ignore this one)
3) Limited Flexibility in muscles
4) Slightly high Skin Fat content

All in all it was a terrible session; he made me feel completely naked though I was only partially naked during some times of the session. Gym Instructors and dentists, they’re all the same!!

A Fitting Ending

2008-12-01T01:02:00.005+05:30

Yesterday I was going through my cupboard, searching feverishly for a decent pair of pants. That I found clothes in the cupboard was in itself a big deal. Usually the peripatetic cottons were on a mission to get entrenched in every nook and cranny of my room.

It was then that I came across my trusty old denim jeans pant. It’s been a while, I thought. I’ve had few friends who are closer to me than my jeans have been. This pant was ancient: it dated more than 8 years back, and carried a lot of weigh for me - emotionally and physically. I remembered the first few times I wore the pair to tuitions while preparing for 12th board exams (2ndPUC in Karnataka). I was so careful not to get them dirty then. By the way, Sorry, jeans for never letting you feel the female touch - except probably the washer-woman’s scrapes - I missed it as much as you probably did (Note to self: make it clear that you missed the female touch but not the washer-woman’s scrapes)

Soon came the days of engineering, I had practically lived my four years of BE in that pair of jeans. There were many days especially during the internals and exams when the jeans and I did not get a glimpse of soap and water for more days than I will admit. I didn’t mind them getting dirty at all. Then there was football, I’ve played so often and have picked up myself from the ground battered and bruised but never once did I lose my cool or my pant.

Alas ! Then I started working. As life became comfortable, so did my waist. The first six months or so were ok for me and my jeans, but as time went there came a certain frostiness in our relationship, I saw less and less of my jeans. Of course it was totally my fault. I had found a new love. Food. I was willing to compromise … I cut back on sweets and fast food by a large extent, but the jeans were too demanding, no question of compromise! It remained stuck at 32 inches. Unwilling to change with the times or external circumstances. What else to do other than break up?

Anyway, alls well that ends well. I’ve found it now after about two years and am amazed that I have to suck up my tummy only so much before I could get into it ;)

Lesson: you ALWAYS have to suck up while mending a broken relationship. It’s the law.

RVCE Alumni Network

2008-11-28T11:22:00.011+05:30

I was pleasantly surprised when last night I got a mail from Puneet Acharya about the RVCE alumni network website... because I didn’t think such a page would exist at all. That’s probably one downside of not going to a very highly respected college …you wont have much faith in the alumni network (rightly so in case of many engineering colleges coz they don’t deserve any). Anyway, I was wrong; there does exist such a page and its pretty neat too… They’ve come up with a neat database system where alumni can enter their contact details and other stuff. Wish such a system was in place when I was doing my engineering days.

Anyway, to all the other RVCE folks who have time to read drivel on this page, surely you have time to update your profile on this website? So go on and do your good deed for the day…

Link : http://www.rvcealumni.org/

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 5

2008-11-27T21:37:00.004+05:30

Why do I call these jokes ‘abysmal’?
Because they are all ‘a bit small’. (This one is probably the limit AJ’s can go to …)

Why were everyone in the Boeing 747 laughing hysterically?
They were in cloud nine.

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Back with a Bang! (Ouch)

2008-11-27T20:58:00.003+05:30

Well, it’s been a long hiatus and I don’t seem to be able to come up with any post that is longer than half a page (or quarter for that matter). So I’ve decided to dump my half formed ideas and non-ideas as is on the blog. Any way.. here goes.

Finally I got some free time over the past weekend or so, and decided to do something that’s very arduous and tiring on the mind: going to the gym. That’s because I must have lost more weight exercising my brain over deciding whether to go to the gym or not. Can exercising the brain really make one lose weight ? That would be wonderful got a weight problem? Heres a maths paper…Im sure you’ll lose some weight on it. And for the heavyweights, what better than the CAT 2008 paper!! People will need a magnifying glass to find you.

Coming back to the point.. Ive finally started going to gym,and I hope Ill stick on with it. In a few months you’ll see a leaner and meaner me, and guess who I’ll remind you of…..Your Company OF COURSE !!

Tribute to the CAT-god

2008-11-15T18:55:00.001+05:30

Hardship of the Hardware Engineer

2008-07-28T10:27:00.003+05:30

Signal signal on the screen
Why the hell don’t you turn Green

Always in a high impedance state
Is this all that’s written in your fate??

Every day there are meetings galore,
Add to this the traffic of terrible Bangalore

Days turn into nights, nights turn into days,
All this happens in such an a haze

So many hours I have to slog
When do I blog, when do I hog?

Deadlines get postponed so often they are as good as dead,
Im just waiting until its time to hit the bed..

God knows what the future may hold,
Im just watching the drama unfold …

Unlightenment

2008-06-21T14:16:00.007+05:30

Inhale...
Exhale.
Inhale...
Exhale.

I could definitely smell hope in the air. I continued walking down the passage, becoming increasingly aware of my breathing pattern. I was surrounded by clear blank walls that stretched a long way. Far in the distance I could sense an opening through which golden rays of light entered the tunnel. My footsteps made no noise and I cast no shadow as I approached the opening. The only thing I was conscious of was my own self, the pumping heart and the rhythmic breaths.

The opening was fast approaching and the light was dazzling now. I felt surreal and weightless as I came at the threshold of the opening. The sight which greeted me was breathtaking. I saw a pristine mountain valley bathed in bright morning sunlight. There were still dew drops on the grass growing everywhere around me. I sat on a nearby ledge and surveyed the scenery ahead. The valley was nestled between two gargantuan mountains with a brook cleaving its way far below. The brook shot arrows of reflected light I had to shield my eyes from. The morning was cold in spite of the sunlight and I was nearly shivering.

There was complete silence but for the rare chirp from the birds. To my left a forest of trees stretched on all sides of a hillock but failed to conquer the top.
I settled down and prepared for the wait. I was wondered how long he would take to come. The suspense in the air was electrifying; I could almost feel it on the tip of my tongue. But I knew I had to be patient. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing again. I was aware of nothing else other than the taste and smell of the crisp morning air. Time seemed to have stopped in the valley. I felt I could stay like this for ever.

Almost magically I knew the time come. I would get my answer now. I opened my eyes and looked around. There, in the distance from among the trees I saw the figure walking towards me. He was real and imaginary at the same time. The whimsical man covered the distance surprisingly fast and before I knew it , he was just meters away.

He had piercing eyes, flawless skin and long flowing hair that half concealed his gown. “Yes, I’m immortal" he said. Taken aback at his ability to read my mind, I gained more respect for this being.

He sat on a nearby ledge and said "Ask".

My moment had arrived. I would now get answers to all my questions. I proceeded with bated breath "All my school life I sat through many boring exams. Was there any meaning in it at all?"

Sadhu-man answered "Yes. There was meaning in it. The exams serve the purpose of reminding you that sometimes you may not know why you are doing something, but should do it anyway. You must have faith, belief, karma or whatever else you call it. Without this life is useless."

I asked” College was mostly a waste of time for me. Everyone spent all their time trying to be cool and followed some random guy in everything he did. Was there any meaning in it at all?"

Sadhu-man answered "Yes. There was meaning in it. The college serves the purpose of reminding you that- You must always run your own race. Don’t be affected by dogma or by the people around you. Don’t waste time living other people dreams. The world is yours.. Go fly!!"

I asked " I actually wanted to become either a detective or a chocolate shop owner or a sky diving instructor, but ended up as a hardware engineer. Is there any meaning in it at all?"

Sadhu-man answered "Yes, of course there is meaning. Sometimes life does not give you what you want, but gives you what you need. Learn to accept reality and focus on how you can improve your current situation."

I said "Wise words indeed! I had two trivial questions to ask.. I want to inspire the people around me. What do I tell my friends who are unfortunately in the dark?"

Sadhu-man answered "Good Morning!"

I said "Oh.. Ok.. I really didn’t get that. Anyway next trivial question.. I'm the laziest ass on earth and also the baadshah of procrastination. In fact my No 1 hobby is sleeping. What do I do to rid myself of this habit?"

Sadhu-man answered "Wake up! There is nothing more important than waking up!!"

I said "Ok.. I was really looking forward to an insightful elucidation, but thanks. I won’t bother you anymore but for one question which is consuming me day and night. I can’t sleep; I'll have no peace till it is answered...
The question is --- What is the meaning of life? "

Sadhu-man said before dissolving "If you don’t get up now I'll pour boiling water on that head of yours!!”

Crap! Was I indulging in my favorite hobby once again?? Dammit, I don’t think I'll ever attain enlightenment :(

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 4

2008-06-13T11:44:00.004+05:30

Why are sumo wrestlers so egoistic?
They keep throwing their weight around.

What did the religious donut say to the pastry?
I am much more holey than you.

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Oh Secret Admirer

2008-06-12T22:16:00.005+05:30

Oh secret admirer from country X,
You make me feel like I have lotsa muscles to flex

Day and night you read my latest post,
To you alone I raise this toast

What you see in my blog I seriously dont know
but you give my hit counter a really good go

So many times you reload this page, it almost sounds lame
Dame, you beat me at my own game !!??@#$!!!!!

I wonder who you are, I wonder what you do
I wonder if you wonder about me in the same way too!

I know I'm making this public, I'm making up hype
Please forgive me if you are the shy type..

But I'm a nice guy (no, really!), I can be discreet,
Anytime you want I'm ready for a private treat

Dont worry about how I get my visa,
I'll do anything for a chat with you over a pizza.

With me baby its all uphill..
Impossible though it may seem, I'll even foot the bill !!!

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 3

2008-06-11T08:45:00.003+05:30

Whats the problem with cyborgs?
The immune system, they are attacked by both human and software viruses.

Why did Salman take a gun while going to the press conference?
To Kill the Mocking Herd

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Games Children Play

2008-06-09T21:05:00.005+05:30

This was taken when my college friends and I went on a trip to Karwar some weeks back.The children (Sumedh and Raghunandan)are both 23 years young.

Rants : How to read a textbook

2008-06-09T09:15:00.004+05:30

Its been about six years since I first joined RVCE as an engineering student, and I finally (think I have) figured it out now.. The way to read textbooks is the way you read magazines.

First of all, start with a blank and clear mind. You don’t read Sportstar thinking
1) I have to finish the article on Sachin Tendulkar first because its the most important.
2) Oh, the cover story on Sania Mirza is 25 pages, I'll never be able to finish it..
3) The beach volleyball poster girls are the best part, but I can’t spend more than 5 minutes ogling at them, I need to do justice to all the other *chapters*.
Read what you find intrinsically interesting in the textbook. Don’t go like a drone from the first page to the last. To hell with what the author is trying to say. What’s more important is what you want to listen to.

Don’t always listen to others opinions (esp negative ones) about textbooks.
Each person is different and has pre-conceived notions about the textbooks he/she reads based on his experiences. Two people can almost never have the same experience with the same book. Once you start having pre conceived notions about a book, you take in only things which support your initial notions, and fail to notice other positive things in the book. You build upon your first impression and make a compelling negative image of the book in your mind.

You don’t know how your brain works. Accept it. For a million reasons you may find page 17 to be the most significant part of the book, while your friend may find it worthless. The brain is a complex man. If Mr. Brain likes page 17, give it to him. Don’t bother about page 16.

Mr. Brain likes to have fun, and doesn’t like important or responsible things. That’s why Mr. Brain doesn’t complain while wasting time with friends, while doing night-outs watching TV, while reading the back pages of the infamous Bangalore Times etc. So here is the trick. Impossible though it may seem, try to fool Mr. Brain into thinking you are having fun while reading that Goddamm text book. Make up imaginary plots where you are Superman, and all you need is the correct formula mentioned in para 4 page 216 to save the world from disaster. Hell put on a bright blue cape while reading if you want to. Once Mr. Brain is in the groove, there’s no stopping him. Desirous of saving the world again and again, Mr. Brain will, of his own free will, mug up all the formulas in the textbook!

Chicken Soup for the Soul-in-search-of-Excellence

2008-06-07T07:46:00.005+05:30

Quotes from Harsha:
Arrogance is the biggest stumbling block to excellence.

Talent dazzles, but it has hardly anything to do with excellence. It is what you make of that talent that matters.

If you really want something, you will get it and there is no scientific explanation for this.

I can’t be Tendulkar but mind you Tendulkar can’t be me either

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 2

2008-06-06T21:45:00.004+05:30

What do crocodiles and hardware have in common?
Both employ Very Large Scale Integration.

Why do verification engineers have a pearly glow around their corporeal endowment?
Because to bug is human, but to debug is divine.

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Abysmal Jokes (AJ's) Part 1

2008-06-05T13:00:00.004+05:30

Yesterday this guy got into the lift with me on the ground floor. Is it going up or down, he asked.
Harharharhar…..

Why can’t the new Intel processors be used within Apple Computers?
An apple can have only one core.
Harharharhar…..

If you have some abysmal jokes and like getting hit with tomatoes, send them to
wannabe.comic@gmail.com

Push-win and Python-ya

2008-06-04T10:08:00.005+05:30

Best of luck to Push-win and Python-ya. They are leaving their ultra secretive organization which had been their rendezvous for the past 2 years, to pursue masters’ degree. I’m using codenames because if their ultra secretive organization comes to know about this treacherous act of theirs, they will be permanently blacklisted. This ultra secretive organization has a motto "Pintel Pinside". Pushwin, Python-ya and I worked on an ultra secretive project here the goal of which was shrouded in mystery. But we were able to convince our guide (lets call him Mr Mystery) about the cleverness of our project. After our project, I managed to escape the clutches of the ultra secretive organization, but Push-win and Python-ya were unfortunately lured. They have been hypnotized by the ultra secretive organization, which used techniques like making them work night-outs , and now insist they are doing everything on their own accord.
Push-win went so far as to say that he will join the same ultra secretive organization after he finishes his masters degree. I will post a picture of Push-win and Python-ya later (with their faces erased, of course).
Once again, best of luck to Push-win and Python-ya !

PS: Python-ya *may* have asked me to put up the following comment -- "All characters depicted in this article are purely fictional and any resemblance to a real person is purely coincidental"

BERMUDA TRIANGLE : Every young Engineer's Nightmare !!

2008-06-04T09:21:00.005+05:30

Chicken Soup for the Living Soul

2008-06-04T09:03:00.003+05:30

Quotes by Randy:

You’ve got to get the fundamentals down because otherwise the fancy stuff isn’t going to work.

When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care.

The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.

We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.

Chicken Soup for the Scientific Soul

2008-06-04T08:52:00.003+05:30

Quotes by Feynman :

"Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it."

You can know the name of a bird in all the languages of the world, but when you're finished, you'll know absolutely nothing whatever about the bird... So let's look at the bird and see what it's doing -- that's what counts. I learned very early the difference between knowing the name of something and knowing something.

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.

I was born not knowing and have had only a little time to change that here and there.

Chicken Soup for the Techno-Entrepreneural soul

2008-06-04T08:37:00.005+05:30

This is the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005 at Stanford University.

Quotes by Steve :

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.

Take this SOP with a pinch of salt

2008-06-02T16:54:00.005+05:30

An anonymous quote that I found in a cookie goes "To eat is human, but to cook is divine". This perfectly describes my attitude towards cooking. From time immemorial, my passion for cooking (and eating) has never faltered.

Throughout my early childhood and adolescence, I have always been one of the best cooks in my family. Whenever I tasted something out of the ordinary, I was always piqued, and tried my best to find out more about the dish.

By virtue of the 10,000 plus taste buds (see letter of reference from family physician for proof)on my tongue and my shark-like sense of smell, I was the official food-taster in the Balaji household. Food tasting is a rigorous task, and requires extreme mental concentration. It also taught me to take courageous and risky decisions, like deciding to be truthful when my father asked me how his Sambar tasted.

In my house I was the youngest member to be allowed access to the kitchen stove. In what proved to be a seminal experience, I prepared Maggi noodles for the first time when I was only in 3rd standard. Making Maggi at such a young age gave me significant experience in cooking, and has served as an inspiring force which has kick started my lifelong tryst with cuisine. I was completely involved in all the stages of making Maggi, right from using correct type of scissors to cut the masala packets, to arranging a fork and spoon at 120 degree angle over the finished delicacy.

What I learned from this is ability of independent thinking and research. I learnt what research really means, the importance of hard work and perseverance. While in my initial years I attacked the problem of maximizing taste, later on I moved on to the most important problem mankind is facing today : how to make a healthy meal while maximizing taste , speed of devour-ment, and looks. I never gave up, and dutifully had my parents and younger brother sample every dish I made. Considering how obstinate they can be, this speaks volumes of my leadership skills and delegation abilities.

I believe discipline, determination and ability to work hard are qualities essential in a research cook. I look forward to a fulfilling career in cooking and particular, I relish the prospect of experimenting in interdisciplinary fields. I have sizeable experience in this matter. A selected list of my most innovative and bold dishes are as follows:

1) Ice-cream –la – Tomato sauce
2) Rabid Ragullas – Rasgullas dipped in cream colored phlegm-like molasses-derivative.
3) Brown Sugar – A highly intoxicating powdered mix of Marie biscuits, cashew, pista and sugar.
4) Curd Bread – Quick snack of curd, garam masala and groundnuts sandwiched between bread.

It is my firm belief that no other university can offer the exposure, experience and multicuisinal experience that Rice university can offer. And I have to admit the name of your university carries enormous symbolic weightage. I would thus like to submit my application to your university, and hope to receive admission, fee waiver and free meals.

Ignorance is bliss

2008-05-08T08:37:00.007+05:30

PS: To all the ECE,EE undergrads who like me never paid attention in college but now entertain romantic thoughts of doing further studies and making seminal contributions to world at large.. do not lose hope, there a good chance the textbooks will be rewritten and your ignorace will cease to haunt you...

http://www.eetimes.com/news/latest/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=207403521

A Hairy Tale Ending

2008-04-10T10:37:00.005+05:30

(first appeared in www.thousandwordpicture.blogspot.com)

Henry Baldacci hated his last name. Baldacci is definitely not as cool a surname as Bond or Balaji, but it isn’t something to be horrified about either, like Bush or Bairappa. Henry however was 18 years young and balding. Every morning his pillow seemed to have more hair than his head. He felt as a chicken must feel while its neck is stroked by the fine blade of a butcher. Childhood dreams of becoming a rock star and romancing bimbos seemed to be getting thinner and thinner….
It was the eve of his 18th birthday. Henry had two things to do before he officially became a man a) Get a tattoo b) Either get a respectable last name which didn’t hint at his (soon to be) unhairy status, or some sort of treatment for the time being. The former, being comparatively easy is no more the subject of this post. About the latter. He met up with his underpants friend (chuddi dost, if you will. Meanings do get lost in translation) Nick. “Wasssssssssssup maaan !!!” Shouted Nick, clad in a shorts, sea blue shirt and a hat that looked more like paper dosa. Nick, having discovered he was one seventh Jamaican now wore a Jamaican accent and dreadlocks. Angered by his ample dreadlocks, Henry asked him to shut the hell up.
So how’s it going with Shruti maaan, countered Nick. Henry and Nick were exchange program students at the IIM, Bangalore. And Henry was trying to convince Shruti how spending quality time with a (soon to be) tattooed American hunk might not spell disaster to her family after all.
“Forget her and get the car out, we are going to Dr Batra’s. And get rid of that hat, jackass”
“Maan , never heard of a pub like that before.. So you get some different sort of stuff there eh … and what about the drugs, are they medicinal too ..he he “
“Its not a pub”
“Whaaaat? So we are actually going to a doctor??!”
Henry painfully and shamefully told Nick that Dr Batra’s was a homeopathy clinic. Nick’s eyes took eternity to swivel on to Henry’s pate, during which time Nick was struggling to keep his mouth line as parallel to his hat as possible.
“So, you going there for stomach trouble??” Nick’s mouth gave up all pretense of being a straight line and assumed the semblance of a lopsided grin.
“ Cut it out and get the car, dude” Henry was definitely not in a good mood today.
“Why don’t you go by yourself, maan. The car has hardly any petrol by the way"
“Then people will think somethings wrong with me”
“Oh so nothings wrong eh?” (After an afterthought) “Maaaaaaan”
“Of course, nothings wrong. Just have a bad case of dandruff” Nick’s mouth began the struggle again. “And if you come, people will not know who’s got issues. You don’t look too healthy with your dreadlocks and all ,y’know” Fed up with his friends cowardice, Nick resignedly agreed but told him not to expect birthday presents for the next decade.
Nick got out the four wheels and both of them proceeded to Dr Batras. The tension was palpable. They parked the car far away from the clinic and furtively looked around. Convinced that no one they knew were in sight, they rushed out of the car and made a beeline for the clinic. Nick entered the clinic first. No sooner had he proceeded two steps ahead when he turned, and laughing uncontrollably he dragged Henry back to the porch. Henry looked mutinous. Before Nick could stop him again, Henry shrugged himself free and summoned his guts to walk straight in. And then he walked straight out. Although he knew the answer, he hurled a perfunctory “Why’d younotstopme???!!!” at Nick. But it was too late.
Shruti now was standing at the clinic door. She had clearly been accompanying someone elderly to the clinic. “Whats wrong with you two? In India people generally don’t act like raving lunatics at the doctors place” “Unless they are at a mental hospital…. she continued, extremely pleased with her sense of humor.
For Henry however , it nothing remotely close to humor. He felt completely exposed , balder than the baldest man alive. Nick asked me to accompany him, he shouted shrilly. Even a four year old with buck teeth could have sensed what Henry was trying to hide. Eyes swivelling on to Henry’s pate, Shruti desperately tried to keep her mouth as straight as possible. She failed spectaculary.
The tragic final scene looked like this to a concerned passerby : A girl and a dreadful looking dreadlocked foreigner rolling hopelessly with laughter outside a respectable clinic, with a albino kid looking at them defiantly and angrilty, all the while trying to force his wisps of hair to defy gravity and the forces of wind. This story being set in India, the passerby played his part by offering no help and continued walking with a chalta hai kinda attitude.
Unable to laugh any further, the two looked sheepishly at Henry while their brains raced in time to come up with possible words of comfort. Shilpa decided to humor him just this once. “So about the movie plan I cancelled last Sunday….”
“It’s still on this week at PVR” gushed Henry with bated breath, reminding Nick of the friendly IIMB dog which would wag its tail at the slightest hope of reward.
Ok, just this once... said Shruti.
Fine. I’ll pick you up this weekend. Henry barely managed to keep his cool as he walked back to the car.
“So its goodbye to Dr Batra eh “asked Nick from behind the steering wheel.
“Yup, goodbye to good old Dr Batra” told Henry. “And Baldacci’s definitely not such a bad name after all” thought Henry.
(This story is a product of my unbridled imagination, and is fiction to the best of my knowledge. Any resemblance to real people must be an act of God )

And then came the smile

2008-04-09T18:22:00.005+05:30

(first appeared in www.thousandwordpicture.blogspot.com)

“Keep steady man, be cool, be cool “I told myself. She was 200 meters away from me. Immediately I sucked in my burgeoning paunch, adjusted my Infineon badge so it was prominently displayed (why I do this every time, God only knows. Even the sweepers in ITPL, Bangalore have their own badges to show off).I walked towards her with an air of nonchalance. She was my junior from college, and a damm pretty one at that. I had never spoken to her in college though; this must have probably been due to the aura of nerdiness I used to radiate back then. Now the aura has turned into a small halo, but is still definitely there.

This is my big chance, I told myself. My plan was simple (too simple, some of you might argue). As I strutted past her with my stomach tucked in, she just had to notice me and say Hi, I reasoned (the smallness of my halo of nerdiness being prominent in my reasoning). I would then pretend to notice her and feign surprise. In my surprised state, I would blurt out how beautiful (and sexy, if I still had my guts around me till then ) she looked in her maroon outfit today. She would then have to blush, I reasoned again. And so on continued my reasoning. I’m actually very good at reasoning , be it logical reasoning, verbal reasinong, reasoning to evade blame, to gain time etc.

Alas! Today my reasoning made me lose time instead. Before I knew it, she was only 20 meters away from me. And to add salt to the injury, she walked with this huge swarthy bouncer like character next to her. What I had imagined to be a magnified shadow when I first saw her had suddenly turned corporeal. Complimenting her sexiness seemed akin to committing suicide now. Why can’t I be one of those pathetic losers who miraculously seem to have a hot babe stuck to one of their shoulders, I sighed at the world in general and at God in particular. I resigned myself to fate. I decided to go with the ‘strong hunk’ look. Puffing my chest and narrowly avoiding a coughing fit in the process, I walked majestically towards the ‘couple’, all ready to supremely ignore them.

And then came the smile. Bang; without warning, when I least expected it, when all my defences were low. This girl has one of the cutest smiles in ITPL, and that’s saying a lot. ITPL has at least fifteen thousand people, to hazard a guess (as with all my guesses the figure may be considerably off the actual value, so please take this with a cup of salt). We can safely assume that 40 % of them at least are females, which gives us a minimum of six thousand females. Of these at least four thousand would be in the age group of 18 and 27 years. Needless to say, every girl in this age group is trying her best to look gorgeous. Let’s say about one fourth of them are successful. That leaves us with thousand gorgeous females in ITPL. My girl (‘my’ sounds possessive and ridiculously untrue, but what the heck it’s my blog) would rank somewhere in the top twenty to thirty – close to 99.9 percentile.

Anyway, about the smile. She did notice me, and flashed her perfect teeth at my two day stubble. Her face was framed by two narrow strands of jet black hair and her right cheek showed the hint of a dimple. It was a warm smile to say the least and a super hot smile to say the most. And she waved at me in a silly girlish manner which I found very arresting. And even more embarrassing was the fact that I dropped my strong hunk attitude before one could say ‘strong hunk’ and stood engaged in a silly hand wave exchange program with her for a full 3 seconds. And even more embarrassing was the fact that the bouncer guy started waving back !! I smelled something fishy here, and I was not standing at the seafood counter of Civet.

She came forward and introduced me to the bouncer guy. Believe it or not, the bouncer guy was actually a co-worker of hers. I still looked quizzically at him, I had not taken well the act of being waved back sillily(dictionary check) by a hot babe and a monster man at the same time. She explained. Turns out during the time we were separated by a distance of 200m to 20 m, the effects of my mental reasoning were quite physically conspicuous. I had narrowly missed colliding with who dustbins, trod on the toes of a elderly man, walked mostly on the wrong side of the walkway leaving big brown footsteps glistening on the otherwise spotless recently cleaned surface.I had even walked headlong into a nervous gang of girls without noticing, scaring them away from Coffee Day Café. The bouncer guy had found this very funny (I hate his guts by the way) and had motioned my girl to observe me.

I grinned sheepishly at them with a men will be boys kind of look. And walked away huffed. However the after effects of her smile lingered with me, strong and everlasting like the smell of my socks (note to self: quota of one disgusting comparison over for this post). Everything in the mall began to look brighter, and my work for the day didn’t seem so hectic after all. I was even prepared to walk all the way upto the barber shop to get my unsightly stubble replaced by an irresistible clean shaven silkiness (if half of what the Gillete Mach 3 advertisement promises is true)

Ah, the simple pleasures of life! A smile is all it takes to make the world a better place. So I need to stop cribbing and start smiling more even if others take me for a dork, I reasoned.

Learn to Forget

2008-02-11T12:28:00.005+05:30

Yesterday Chandrika and I won First place in the anagram contest held by EMF (elctro motive force ) club in Infineon.Yay!!! Its been helluva long time since I have competed in any event, let alone actually winning something.

Competition is in todays world a part of everyones life, we are dead if we forget to compete in the a proverbial rat race.Or stated in an optimistic way, competitions and contests keep us alive !! This fact is sometimes easy to forget, especially for those people who are in a relatively stable job, whose basic necessities in life are met. These are the people who need to be all the more careful about what awaits them in the future. Its not like they dont have goals or passions in life. They have loads of aspirations, but what they lack is the COURAGE or GUTS to carry out their ideas. Getting out of the comfort zone which they build around themselves can be very painful, and many of them succumb to the withdrawal symptoms and relinquish their dreams. They are the people who are prisoners of their past successes.

In todays information age past success or experience is sometimes the most worthless quality you could possess. Nowadays, a persons success is measured by his adaptability or response to situations he could never fathom. When I look back at the last 3-4 years of my life most of my conjectures and theories about my future were not to happen. My life has been a roller coaster ride with joys and successes, as well as frustrations and failures. But these successes and failures always amaze me, I never seem to have a clue about either !

So I'm now trying to adopt a new way of looking at things, after being mesmerized by CK Prahalad and Gary Hamels signature book - Competing for the future. Heres the funda :

Its not about learning baby,
its about forgetting !
You have experience, maybe
but do you have innocence ??

So high and mighty yesterday you were,
that you forgot you might have to compete tomorrow.
Blunt are your arrows, broken is your bow,
How the hell will you compete,
with those kids with AK 47's ??

Forget your arrows,give up your bow
Practice using the gun,without any ego.

If the above lines are a poem ,I'll be dammed
but you will never get so much wisdom elsewhere,together crammed.

Calendar man

2008-01-16T11:44:00.002+05:30

Its been a long long while since my last post, Ive been really busy (note to self : see randy pauschs’ time management video again). To break the ice, here is a 20 min post.

Ive lately been using the Outlook Calender whenever and wherever possible to “improve my efficiency ”. Ive realized that just putting down bits and pieces of things down in paper and then assigning them a deadline in the Calender actually does save some amount of time per day, infinitisimal though it may be in the beginning . The first few days you try this the results are invariably hilarious – My list had things like

Use red color toothbrush,
Meet [amees] at bus stop
Phone friend and apologise for telling the truth about him – DONE

Ive come up with some simple conventions .. like words enclosed in square brackets to be read in reverse – so I can keep some stuff encoded from “evil” eyes..

After a long day's work I go home and check the calendar for a series of “DONE” remarks against all my tasks. If most of them have this remark, Im happy !!
Ah, the simple pleasures of life !!

Damm this post took 23 min… one task wont have a DONE remark tonight :(

Home Bound

2007-08-29T16:33:00.002+05:30

Bumpy Roads
Half Filled Bus
Window Seat
Sudden Break
Screeching Halt
Anxious Whispers
Lucky Escape
Relieved Sighs
Speedy Recovery
Endless Highway
Deserted Landscape
Rustling Breeze
Animated Discussions
Ridiculous PJ's
Furtive Glances
Knowing Smile
Traffic Jam
Horning Cars
Teeming Malls
Garbags Dumps
Traffic Jam
Roadside Temples
Mercedes Benz
Snakelike Streets
Sleepy Suburbs
Idling Engine
Quick footsteps
Musical Doorbell
Pregnant Silence
Home Sweet Home

.

Bangalore--Its a jungle in here.

2007-01-11T20:30:00.002+05:30

The temple priest is surprised. "Very good, Nikhil, very good. You have finally realised that God is all powerful and omniscient. That is why you are here every morning to pay due respects to Anjaneya" (he actually spoke in shuddha Kannada but since blogger does not provide Devanagari font, I have decided to translate (transmaul?)his great words in English) I squirm uneasily at this point and make an ambivalent gesture to indicate that I have indeed become wiser. Little does the priest know my intentions are much more cowardly. I come to the temple out of fear.

I am afraid, terrified of the Roads Of Bangalore(ROB). Yes, dear reader, this is no exaggeration, the ROB is (is or are? grammer check) among the most dangerous forests in the world. The Rainforests of Amazon or Borneo pale in comparison to the mighty man-made Roads Of Bangalore.

"What an absurd comparison" Some of you might ask. To those of you who asked, I counter with this point: (those of you who didnt ask may skip it if you want)
Think of the name: Bangalore. Bang.. I guess you know what it means. Galore..means in plentiful amounts. Bang+Galore = Bangs in plentiful amounts. Not a very comforting name to boast of, is it?

And what creautres inhabit this god-forsaken place! Vehicles of all shapes, sizes and hues are waiting to make your life miserable once you step on ROB. Whatever kind of roads you travel on (tar road, mud road, "is that supposed to be a road??!!" road, no road) there seems no respite from the other vehicles.

The potbellied overaged and errant bus driver, the sly foulmouthed autodriver playing Kannada songs with full bass effect so you can hear nothing but bangs and thuds intersperced with an occasional grating voice, the crazy stressed out IT/BPO professional on the bike driving with suicidal(and worse, homicidal) abandon, I see them everyday, only with different faces.

Having asked Anjaneya to give me strength and courage for my heroic endeavor of trying to reach office in time, I set off on my rickety fifteen year old Kinetic Honda (the only thing kinetic about it is the name). I finally reach office after the ordeal which lasts close to an hour.

But Im safe and sound-thats all that matters. Now to rest for a good six hours before I start worrying about returning home again....

monday morning blues

2006-08-21T09:11:00.003+05:30

every monday morning
i put on a fake smile
and look at the mirror
i tell myself what wonders
lie ahead this week
what discoveries i will make at work
what new songs i will belt
out of my guitar
what new places i will visit
what new girls i will meet

but all this isnt enough
to make me see the bright side of life
i just want to go back to sleep
to mull over the the lazy
saturday and sunday
that went by so fast

i feel so slothful on monday morning
that i dont see the need to use punctuation
i dont care if my poem does not rhyme
in fact i hardly consider this a poem
and i am not going to end
this piece of text with a flourish
i will leave it incomplete
as my life seems this monday morning.....

nikhil

Down Memory Lane

2006-07-01T18:02:00.002+05:30

Yesterday I visited college. Then out of the blue, it happened. A wave of nostalgia hit me, soaking me with memories of the past four years. A mini-tsunami, if you like.Similar to the artificial waves at WonderLa which I must say, are more powerful than they appear. Anyway..you get the point.

I was quite surprised myself. Was I really very sad about leaving the college I had been cribbing and complaining about for the past four years? As you might have guessed, the answer is a whole-hearted, perfervid, ardent, vehement, impassioned NO. ( thats right, Ive picked up the afore-mentioned adjectives from Barrons GRE word list, so its ok if you don't know all of them. In fact,if you do know all of them, why are you still reading this blog? Go read something more obscure, erudite, arcane.There I go again... )

I am not sad that I'll be leaving R.V.C.E. I'd be glad to collect my B.E course completion certificate which I think I have (un?)rightfully earned ( Assuming I pass RTOS of course..that dreadful pain-in-the-behind spoilsport of a subject ) Its time to move on,to other things in life...
But ( not supposed to start a sentence with but,but who cares? Did my previous sentence have two buts butted together, but for a tiny comma in between? cool... ) I know those carefree,unaccountable days of college life are now behind me. I've had a truly incredible time in college....

In spite of having to listen to the monotonous soporific drone of most of the teachers, whose teachings have thankfully not addled my brain. As yet.

In spite of having to stand in a crowded college bus for the entire period of my first year. Last time I heard, bus fees are close to eleven thousand rupees, so atleast the crowded bus problem is solved for my juniors.

In spite of the totally incomprehensible policies of the VTU, the unpredictable nature of which is rivaled only by the vagaries of the monsoon in India... both of which play havoc with innocent lives... I must add the VTU has got immense sadistic pleasure by taunting the engineering students of Karnataka in general, and those of the 2002-2006 batch in particular.

Well, as I said, I've still been able to enjoy college life. I've made a lot of friends, hopefully some for a lifetime. I've learnt a lot of lessons, most of them outside the classroom. I've maintained cordial ( what more do you expect?? ) relations with my teachers, who in all fairness were very kind and helpful..again, outside the classroom.

And despite the frivolous nature of most parts of this blog, I really mean it when I say I'm lucky to be part of this truly wonderful batch of 2006 E&C Department 'engineers'..many of whom are traveling thousands of miles away to pursue totally different dreams. Guys and girls..you made my day, a day four years long. ( Ahem...I think I will stop this sentimental stuff right now..any more would be downright embarrassing )

Here's wishing all my batchmates the best in whatever they do.

Why the hell does this blog exist anyway????

2006-07-01T12:09:00.002+05:30

I am as baffled, dear reader, by the above question as you might be right now. Truth be told, this blog was created much before its purpose was envisioned... A bad analogy would be comparing this blog to an misbegotten child, but since my infertile brain is unable to come up with a better one, this one should suffice.

Well, my first post is ample proof of my blog's unprepared headlong dash into blogosphere. I mean, how many blogs start off the all important auspicious first post with a mere two words? A perfunctory remark acknowledging the reader is all one gets, which is also the exact manner in which I answer the telephone.

Anyway no point crying over spilt ink. Or pressed keystrokes. Whatever. I will try to make amends in this post... Here are two primary reasons that have impelled me to start this blog :

1) I wanting improvement of my abysmel English.
I'm exaggerating here, hope you got that. On a more serious note ( Start-> Accessories-> Notepad ... now open a new file and call it Serious ) I realized that throughout my engineering course, I have never put pen on paper on my own accord. The only time I wrote anything was during the internal and final exams, or during the few occasions I came late and had to sit in the first bench of PB Sir's class. Well, the occasional smart Alec among my readers may argue that by blogging, I am still not putting pen on paper. Let me inform him that my first draft is always on a piece of paper. So there.

2) Alternative career option of writing.
I guess this is a very valid point, especially in these days of hire and fire jobs. Whatever happened to good old job security? So beware, naive and trusting engineer, do not rush to the letterbox with rosy apparitions of your ( imaginary? ) girl/boy friend when you see a pink slip, for it carries a much more fiery message. Two lessons should thus be learnt by every engineer. Always keep a back up career option. And whether the reason is for love or for a living, stay away from pink slips. They are dangerous in more ways than one.

Here's a last piece of advice I may add :
Illicit beer backfires.
I know this may leave a bad taste in your mouth ( not the beer, the advice ) but there is a simple message hidden in the first few letters of each word. ( Copyright :Schwaggeneger )

Birth of a blog

2006-02-06T12:58:00.001+05:30

Well....hello.